Black sky, shiny pearl
String of feelings, clouds, storms move
Shifting energy.
Français : Lune (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
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Flying, sky pink air
happily through marshmallows
The joy of wonder.
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A new world of stress
sky lights up flames thrash
The force of nature.
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Sigh. Welcome. I know you are here even if I don’t have any interest in wanting you to be here. I know you have arrived in town, I can feel the physical essence of your negative energy from the follicles on top of my aching head to the bottom of my over-extended curled toes. It would be too simple to describe how I feel as “everything hurts” or use my example “it’s like having the flu every single day without the temperature.” People try to look sympathetic while they are trying to figure out if I have lost my mind. No, sorry, we are NOT crazy. My husband was right, my balance is really off and I should have brought my pink cane that I use, on occasion. Fibromyalgia is no one’s friend.
Moon (Photo credit: Paul Garland)
Thank goodness we have for best friends and Fibro Friends, we understand each other, we know how we feel. We don’t really need to explain. I don’t have to tell my fellow sufferers how I will feel when I have to spend over 6 hours in a car. Yep, you heard me 6 long hours to get home from visiting our amazing children and that’s with no traffic. It’s realistically more likely 6 and a half to seven hours but that burns like acid on the tip of my coated tongue.
We traveled to see our adult children at their perspective colleges and I wouldn’t trade that for anything but on the way there we stopped halfway so my pain, Fibromyalgia, would be manageable. I assumed the same thing was planned for going home. It was not. How did this happen? I have no idea except that my husband did the arranging and he probably told me what he booked but with Fibro Fog, confusion and loss of memory, it did not sink in.
In the end it didn’t even matter, we are now home, we saw our adult children and whatever physical pain I suffered was quadtrupled every second I was with them. I might make different arrangements next time but I don’t even care. That’s what Love is. Simple, Straightforward, Us, Them, Family.
Think of me, taking whatever drugs I have, including but not limited to, Benadryl,or Xanax that might relax my muscles enough to get me through the trip, curled on the back seat cushions, going home.
I adored seeing my son and daughter, and I would do anything for either of them. I love them so much, so very much that pain and stiffness and being out of sorts for a few days, will help remind me of why we went to visit.
Sun Rays Dancing…!!! (Photo credit: Denis Collette…!!!)
We went to visit the moon and the sun. Two things I cannot live without and two things that I enjoy simply by watching. My grown-up adult kids. They are worth every darn tingle, ache, pain, IBS attack and a host of many more symptoms; so when you hear me complain, please tell me to shut-up and to remind me of how worth it, it really was. Love, family love is, what matters and pain is just a side effect. It will get better, hopefully, in a few days. Just being around them, gave my husband and myself incredible joy. It was worth every single second of this trip and many more. We have GREAT kids, each one a delightful pleasure, we’re lucky to have them in our lives. We appreciate THEM.
Thank you, kids, for having us, we loved seeing you in your home. It was great for all of us, especially me to show me how much both of you have learned and grown-up. I’m proud of you both. Really proud.
Blood Moon (Photo credit: AZAdam)
Blood red moon
when the stars stop twinkling out of fear
there is a different air, like holding your
breath way too long, past the point
of sanity.
Crimson streaks of blood are streaming down the bold
crisscrossed striped lines on her wrists and her arms
like a colored waterfall,
past the point of pain.
This was the day, the day she had been waiting for,
to ease her troubled, drug induced life.
Heroin was her hero,
this was the only way she could be free, she knew that.
Blood red moon, outside the window, looking in.
Finally, she was slipping away, she would be successful in death.
07_08_07 097_moons+stars (Photo credit: al_green)
Buying cards, sharp pain
a gasp, I am slumped over.
I forgot he died.
*****
I dip my green eyes
lower to a slice of youth
Smile to escape here.
*****
Let me sleep, I beg
Hide me, deep in my clothing
Until it’s my Time.
*****
Sun Catcher (Photo credit: ecstaticist)
Soul mates intertwined
Staring at the starry night
Sun, moon, darkness, love
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Deep inside, my love
Bleeding hearts echo in sin
Learning not to kiss
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Sinewy angels
Dip their glittered souls in rage
Their throaty laughter
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The red flower laughs
A life to be reckoned with
we, of the same earth
English: Forget-me-nots (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Longing, green eyes meet
raw, fresh, across a full moon
Instant attraction.
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The joy of my love,
Rose petals strewn in my heart
gift of young, sweet life. (happy 18th birthday to my daughter, Jillian)
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Thunder strikes silver
Bullets scream out blood, guts, hope
Death of trust and life.
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Image via Wikipedia
Kate pictured her husband in his hospital room, he had emailed her a photo of his face with all the tubes attached, the IV in his arm, his pale face grim and anxiety ridden. He honestly thought she would like to see a picture of him the night before his procedure all wired up before he went to sleep. Little did he know how much she hated that picture that was now forever burned in her brain.
He had died after the surgery, the hospital called her at four a.m. to tell her the news. People should know that there is no such thing as good news at four a.m. Ever. Her parents were over so they stayed with the children while she raced to the hospital in her faded pink bathrobe and running shoes, sobbing hysterically. “She needed to identify the body,” the hospital said.
It had only been three months since he died. She buried her head into her freezing hands and wept, she was alone in their old house tonight. Her sobs wracked her body until she curled up on the old, soft, green couch and lay in the fetal position. She never thought she would be alone so early in her life; she was now a widow at the age of 46. Her children, Alec, 10 and Zoe, 8 were fatherless. ‘How could she handle this’ she thought? ‘How would they get by?’ She honestly had no idea; she knew she had to ‘make an effort for the children,’ that’s what everyone said but she didn’t know how to do that.’
Their cat, Sam, jumped up to the couch and lay beside her. David had been the one in the family who had wanted a cat, maybe the cat was mourning too; he almost never came to Kate. With another night of sleep eluding her Kate tried imaging the years that she and David had dated, how they danced under moonlit stars in their fancy outfits from company parties. She remembered her auburn hair done up in a chignon, and wearing fabulous silver high heels, David, in a tuxedo looking dapper. They traveled all over the world together before they had kids, Istanbul, Rome, Ireland, Amsterdam. They would walk together in a foreign city at all hours of the morning, dancing in deserted streets, streaks of brilliant color from ever-changing skies, holding hands. They would laugh loudly after drinking flutes of champagne. Their lives revolved around each other, having fun, eating at elegant restaurants and living in a romantic dream world.
They married in a small, elegant wedding a year after they returned home and two years later, they celebrated birth of their son Alec. Two years after that they welcomed with love, their daughter Zoe into their family. They moved from an apartment in Manhattan to a small house in Connecticut on a tree-lined street with gardens and small patios. They went from the “ideal couple” to the “perfect family” that’s what people said.
‘What about now?’ Kate cried into the dark night. She didn’t know what to do. She grabbed a bottle of whiskey hidden under the sink and poured herself a generous glass. She tried to drink it all down at once but it made her cough and sputter so she stopped and tried again a few moments later. Everyone expected her to be perfect, to be strong and able and to magically utter those famous words “life goes on.” She couldn’t do it. She tried to tell people but they insisted ‘she could.’ She did not want to be in this world alone without David anymore. That she knew without a single doubt. Yes, she loved her children dearly but she could not function without her husband, the other half of herself.
Kate knew it was just a bad night, a really bad night. She decided to take a hot bath and a few sleeping pills and relax. While drawing her bath she sipped at her second drink and calmed down. She would make it through; she had no choice. No, it was not easy but leaving her children without a parent was unconscionable. In a sudden burst of energy she threw away all the alcohol she had in the house and all the pills. Betraying her children would be like betraying her husband David and she couldn’t do it. She was ashamed of herself that she even had thought about it. After her bath she was very tired and slept for a long time. She dreamed about their past, dancing in the streets, walking up on the beaches to spectacular sunrises, making love in secret.
She awoke to terrible banging at the front door, her head throbbing with pain. With her hand covering her head, she lurched to the door to open it and was greeted by her two children, hugging and kissing her. ‘This is why she was alive’ she thought. ‘This was her purpose’. She would try hard not to look back but try to stay in the present for these two miraculous children, the result of their love and all they had been, together.
Crib Stand 2 (Photo credit: Clover_1)
Image via Wikipedia
“You sprung me” she said
I lifted her from the crib
Her first memory.
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Wildflowers twinkle
waving in the morning sun
after winter’s blight
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Startled crocuses
dance under the moonlight’s smile
very eager to please.
Image by Mammaoca2008 via Flickr
ALONE:
The unspoken word
We are homeless in our town
An empty bird nest
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FANTASY:
Dresden, blue and white
I dream of a country home
Beside a green lake
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Autumn:
Soaked and cold and wet
A sniff of crisp, red apple
Seasons are changing
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WEDDING:
Country music sounds
Radiate joy, a pink rose
Clap your hands with love
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MEMORY:
My blonde, baby girl
Velvet, gold curls down her back
Sleeping with the moon
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