NaBloPoMo #4 On Marriage

time. (Photo credit: .through my eyes.)

Two young people with promise in their first kiss, laughter in their eyes,

a glance becomes a knowing look.

Everything is new, different, hard to acclimate, two people struggling to become a couple.

Years go by, like milk chocolate tasting slightly stronger, and less sweet

dark chocolate melting more easily on your tongue, surprisingly less bitter.

The intertwining of the two after many years, differences not so apparent anymore.

Habits that used to annoy me, about you, I find don’t matter quite as much

In fact, I find myself doing it sometimes but keeping it a secret with a sly grin.

Twenty-four years of marriage, we reach for each others hand

to thread our fingers together like an embrace.

Reassurance is a holy gift.

I don’t want to think of one of us gone but someday

one of us will be forced to live alone.

Live in the moment and with a deep, deep breath I try to push my thoughts away.

For a second or two,

I am fearful of the thought of living without him.

Growing old is hard enough, but if I grew old with you

I think I would be able to handle it a little more easily.

But, we don’t know the story of the rest of our lives, do we?

Stay with me, old man, and I will try to stay with you too.

Once in a while, panic overwhelms my courage and I become paralyzed in cold ice.

Along with gratitude and grace,

I am so humbled to have you in my life.

Your booming voice and stomping steps,

I don’t care about them anymore,

I just care about you and me, together.

For as long as forever will be.

NaBloPoMo November 2, 2012

Castaway Beach #2 (Photo credit: palestrina55)

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Sun on my back, gently crisping up my shoulders without burning, I  look healthy not like the cream cheese complexion I always look like here in New York. I love being near water so anywhere in the Caribbean or one of the Islands, for me would be ideal. I’d consider San Diego, California too but my mind goes first to a wonderful island where you just dream about but think you can’t ever do.

In my soul, I need to walk along the beach, collecting a stray seashell or two, not too many, just special ones that have meaning to them. The color of the water is a deep blue/green. Almost indescribable in words’; when people come for the first time they just gasp. Imagine not having to leave such loveliness, such wonder. I would nap every day after a light lunch of fruit and then I would take my mask and flippers and look at the amazing array of bright, beautiful fish that would dance around me as if we were all playing a game. I would be standing still, I didn’t want to interrupt their performance and so they danced around me; we had our routine, the fish and I. I came every day, at the same time and after a few weeks, I like to think they trusted me. I would give them some food and I had access into their world for just a little bit of  time.

I felt privileged just to see them in their colorful splendor; I was the intruder here so I kept myself quiet and very still. After that, I got out of the water and sat on the sand, until the sun warmed my body and my dripping wet hair. Nothing felt more right than sitting on the beach, calm, happy, watching the sun lowering itself into the water. The next morning I’d wake up and the climate would be the same, sunshine, freckles coming out on my skin; I rubbed lavender moisturizer all over my body and face so it would feel creamy and not like parchment paper. I didn’t care how I looked, I cared how my skin felt, I wanted it to feel well nourished and happy. Everything in life connects; I’ve learned that here.

Imagine this gift as you wake up every day of your life. Paradise. It is possible.

I’m Participating in NaBloPoMo. May 1, 2011, “Maybe”

Image by MediaStorm via Flickr

It’s my mother’s birthday we are all celebrating with her. I also have to go with my son  a senior in high school to get fitted for a tuxedo for the prom. I’m being pulled in two directions at the same time. Maybe, I should stop worrying so much about what other people think and just do the best job I can. I’m not perfect but I am trying to be kind to everyone. I don’t think it’s working. I feel stressed.  I want today to be fun for everybody but I just can’t shake the feeling that my mom will be upset that I am leaving her brunch (after two hours) to do something for my son. The “Sandwich Generation” I truly cannot win but I know I am not alone in this situation. I thought I was over being a “people-pleaser” I guess not.