Having a hard time coping today, my stomach aches. Morning blends to late afternoon, I lie in bed trying to keep calm but swallowing too many times. I need to be exactly where I am today. I don’t care what anyone thinks.
Tomorrow is the dreaded test. Part of me is better the closer it gets but sometimes my arms tingle and get numb. I’m lying low.
Nothing new is happening, that could be part of the problem or maybe the solution, I have no idea. Whatever is going on, the time is not yet right for change. We need to accept that. How could I move somewhere new, how could I leave my mother ? I can’t even deal with that now. A job is too important. Anywhere. I long to do something different and fun, don’t know if my husband is on board with this or not. Probably not.
Trying to keep my head in neutral, I admit that loose thoughts, like anxiety, race around my head from time to time like the Indianapolis 500/Nascar.
Music soothes me.
There is no room for negativity in my life. In our lives. Breathe, Mama, Breathe.
The messages from my father, all those signs, means he is with me. Remember that.
Clutch those messages from above and keep them taped close to your heart where they belong.
Something good or different will turn up at the right time. Keep believing.
Don’t Give Up.
Music soothes me but it has to be at the right level of sound.
I will always be stuck in the past,
Thank you, Joshua Radin, Crosby, Stills, Nash (and Young,) The Beatles, The Rolling Stones Jackson Browne, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Fun is up to date for me. Alex and Sierra (Say Something.) Some words I just need to hear.
Husband is cooking pork chops with apple butter and raisins, it’s iffy. I’m going to try but know that in my back pocket
a calming American Cheese sandwich on an English Muffin and a big, fat jelly doughnut from our favorite bakery is here for dessert. Man cannot live with stress alone. I can eat the pork chop, tomorrow, with pleasure.
Is it tomorrow yet? Let’s do this.