Carry On Tuesday: There is a child in every one of us….

Driving Rain

Driving Rain (Photo credit: pixieclipx)

There is a child in every one of us but I seem to have lost her.What happened to that childish, charming, witty fun-loving woman who wrote a blog that was delicious, and delightful? I’ve become boring: as plain, as unsalted crackers and I don’t care for that one bit. I can imagine you don’t like it either; I can’t say I blame you at all. Where are all my funny, sometimes sarcastic observations of the world? Am I not watching enough television? I know I have not been on the city streets enough to bring eavesdropping to a science lately. It’s the weather, really. My bones hurt. Have I become dull, dim-witted and a (GASP) a real adult?

EEW, I hope not. That doesn’t sound like me at all. I do still get pleasure in little things, throwing a few coins on the floor for children to find, eating green fruit slices but never the cherry ones, (they taste like cough medicine) mashing bananas with plain yogurt and wrapping myself in warm blankets with a stuffed animal near-by.  Something feels different. I don’t think it has anything to do with age, but I feel a lot more grown up now, at 56 than I did two weeks ago when I was still 55. What the heck has happened? Here I am sitting on the bed, waiting for the Super-Duper-Storm-of the Century of 2012 to wipe us all out and all I am doing is sipping a cup of apple-cinnamon tea from my favorite, bright yellow mug. No hysterics, no drama (well, okay a little apprehension, I’m not dead, yet) but there’s really not much I can do. Just have to wait and see what happens and be a good friend and neighbor. Oh dear, just listen to me, now I sound like a life insurance commercial; who stole, cute, child-like me and replaced me with an insurance selling white-haired grandpa with a handsome face and beguiling smile?

Where’ s the fun me, talking about candy, Twix Bars and Kit Kats, and dissing celebrities (Do the Kardashians even COUNT as celebrities? Not in MY book) or being quick-witted and sharp? I blame the cold, dreary weather getting me in this mood. How can I be happy and have fun when I am not at the ocean jumping over waves and picking up seashells with my pink toes in the sand. I’m dowdy now.Perhaps I am forgetting that my mood reacts with the weather every year.

The last two weeks have been hard for our family with my mother in law passing out randomly every day at any time. Perhaps going up there yesterday made us all feel more peaceful, I think it helped. She hasn’t had any fainting episodes in a few days and they needed our support. It’s a big change when your parents need you in the same way we once needed them. It was a lovely visit, even the dog, yes, Lexi, has calmed down (a little.) She’s a lovely dog now but I have to say she was the naughtiest pup ever!

Tonight calls for marshmallows strung together between my thumbs and forefingers for a gooey mess. No, I haven’t lost me, I just got busy, my kids are in college and my husband is a real grown-up, not the one I play. I just have to make more of an effort to be child-like for myself. Tonight, a bubble bath with yellow ducky, playing loud music, maybe a candle or two. I do miss fun. I need to make my own. It’s a little hard to feel upbeat, child-like and happy when every weather forecaster in the nation is practically calling for the downfall of the East Coast cities as we used to know them. Imagine, calling this “The Perfect Storm.” Isn’t that an oxymoron?


Carry on Tuesday – Life Is For The Living

Life is but a dream....

Life is but a dream…. (Photo credit: Peppysis)

Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.

My dad always told me, growing up, that in life there were ups and downs. In the same vein, my mom said  “there are no guarantees” and sang off-key “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden”. Growing up, I thought my parents should have protected me more from the harsh realities of the world, now I thank them that they didn’t. I found when I had my children and they would nastily argue “that’s NOT fair” my husband and I would often agree with them simply by saying “You are right, sometimes, Life, isn’t fair,” because that is how the real world works.
I’d like to think that the good people win and live and the bad ones get in trouble and die but at 56 I’ve had too many experiences where life has shown me otherwise. I think you really have to learn this yourself, no one can tell you about it, nor can you learn from others, true teaching comes from within. You have to experience it with its wide array of emotions.
I’ve only known real joy when I experienced it; it was not even close to mild happiness or contentment. I’ve only known great loss through death of my father. What I had thought was sadness or depression before was nothing like the shell of the person I became after my dad died. We never had the perfect relationship, there is no such thing, but he was the one in the family who knew me best. We understood each other instantly, we thought the same way, at the same time. Just a look, a glance and we would have already communicated without saying a word.
When recently talking to a friend about goals and dreams she asked me what I wanted to do next, in fantasy if nothing else. I told her about the stories I write and the photographs I take. She said: “So, you are not getting any younger, just do it. What’s stopping you?” My mouth dropped open in surprise and I was both intimidated and flattered. WHAT IS? Since then I’ve kept myself busy by trying on all different things as well: just trying to get out of my house and comfort level, and bring some money in for my husband. I am proud of what I have done so far, but mostly I am proud of not only wanting to try but actually doing it.
Life is what is going on you now, there is no time for putting things off until later, believe me. Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it. It take some of us more time than others but once you are ready, go for it. Life escapes us, doesn’t it? It almost like a waking dream, it flies by us so quickly we startle when we realize that most of our lives are mostly over. What are YOU waiting for? Do the fun things now, cross something off your damned “bucket list” today. Kiss the hand of your loved one and tell them how much you cherish them,  do it now. Life is for the living, don’t waste it. Not for another second. This is my hope.