“She Ain’t Heavy, She’s My Lexi”* Part 2

scaled

scaled (Photo credit: wader)

After you read the title, you may be humming a tune…I was. Because I sang that song all day, I wanted YOU to enjoy/suffer too. You are welcome.

After writing and posting “Weight Watchers https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/weight-watchers-for-dogs/ For Dogs”* Part 1, yesterday, my husband and I sat down to a humble dinner. Lexi had her (small) portion of dog food and hubby and I had scrambled eggs with cheese, ham and toast. With kids in college, dinner is SO much easier. I had a few bites left over and of course Lexi looked at me lovingly. Those big brown eyes pooling into liquid love, I stroked her red-auburn face. Sometimes, Lexi, with her coloring can look like a fox or a deer.

Then, I remembered that tomorrow was, the “weigh-in” and Lexi’s dreams of leftovers were over, “Sorry, Lex, not tonight, we have to go to Stephanie’s tomorrow”(emphasis on Stephanie) but I did save it for her and said if all went well, I would give it to her after the weigh in. They had made such a fuss that I had taken it seriously. I mean, honestly, it’s like umm, some people, yeah, people hiding that Almond Joy or Kit Kat in the back of their bedside drawer for when they really want it, hypothetically of course. I mean, I really wouldn’t know, why would I? Right?

We drive to the vet and for some unexplained reason Lexi adores going there. I have no idea why. Callie, my first dog, used to hate it. Lexi, drags me there (literally) and to my embarrassment pulls me so hard that we pass the vet’s office door and they all see me through the glass door being dragged by Lexi who I could NOT control. I was mortified. When I finally enter, the Doctor, who I refer to as Slick, and the office staff are laughing and making remarks, and I just keep my head low. The Vet says “Having fun out there?” and they all giggle while I decide to inspect the zipper on my winter jacket very carefully.

Lexi is incredibly strong and strong-willed and all the things I taught her in the past, seem to have been forgotten. Enough said. They take Lexi back and she is walking like an angel (NOT pulling the vet technician), I buy the heart worm medicine and the receptionist calls back to have them weigh Lexi for the correct pill (done by the dog’s weight.)HA! The moment I’ve been waiting for.

Lydia says she weighs 35 lbs and she’s GAINED 10 lbs in a month.. WHAT? Not a chance. I know my dog. She is sleek, not an ounce of fat, in fact she may be so skinny she couldn’t be a super model anymore (okay, that ‘s a little extreme.) Most of you know, I’m not demure in situations where I think my dog or family member, friend or I have been wronged. (I’m a Libra) I raise my voice and say “That can’t be, You MUST be wrong.” Stephanie comes out, THE STEPHANIE, Weight Watcher Leader For Dogs and I said, “Stephanie, she was 45 lbs. last time.” ‘Oh, Steph said, casually, “I guess it wasn’t recorded but she looks really good.”

The excitement and pride I felt were gone. Lexi didn’t even get a sticker or a lollipop (oh right that used to be my kids when they were little) I didn’t get one either. They didn’t even care enough to write down the last weight?! I told Lexi we both had done a great job, took two, okay three, low-fat biscuits from the jar, (for future training) and headed home, AND she didn’t even pull me (hard.) I warmed up the leftover eggs from the night before and the toast and gave it to Lexi. I don’t care what the vet’s office thought, I know she deserved a treat.

*WW for dogs, a Parody*She Ain’t Heavy, She’s My Lexi*Parody

I Blame My Dog 100 Percent

Dog sunny Day Afternoon

Dog sunny Day Afternoon (Photo credit: allert)

It’s not my fault that I fell yesterday, really. It’s HER fault. My dog, (mega-puppy) pulled me so hard that she knocked me down on the driveway to greet our neighbors across the street. Granted, I am not strong. I have Fibromyalgia and NO balance so that is my “fault.” She left me lying down on the pavement. Twice. What happened to dogs being loyal? Not this one. I tried to get up and what does she do? She yanks the leash again and down I stay with another set of bruised knees (on top of the last set.)

I didn’t have time to drop the leash, this girl is fast and strong.  Not to mention that she made me drop my Fribble! To those of you who don’t know (and I am a recent convert) a Fribble is a milkshake that Friendly’s makes from soft serve (my friend Mark said it was from ice-milk so I’m not 100 percent sure if either or both are correct.) It’s cold, thick, creamy and utterly ( those of you who really know me, I was tempted to say udderly) delicious. Lexi made me drop my coveted vanilla Fribble all over the driveway and the rest of the day went downhill after that. Thank you Lexi.

So, with bumps and bruises all over, I limped into the house with super-puppy in the hands of our neighbor and my husband helping me up and inside. It’s time for the big guns to be called. I know I have a balance issue and yes, I know I am not strong but this is getting ridiculous. My husband is threatening to call the canine police trainer and have him come out and train Lexi to behave. He was here once before and always said she was a willful pup; I hate to break her spirit but she needs to learn to behave before I break my spine. Before he comes, I am trying to train her myself, with a very short leash and many clicking sounds.

I can always go back and get another Fribble but I can’t afford to be falling anymore. I love my dog, returning her is NOT an option. (You know who you are who suggested this) She is now sleeping on my bed, keeping me company but I do need to train her so she doesn’t pull so much. I have tried every leash in the universe. Lexi, you’re a cute puppy, but I have never met a stronger, more willful puppy anywhere. Even my friends agree that you are incredibly strong for one so young. I’m hoping you will mellow and I know you will be a great dog. You are now seven months and yes, still a puppy. When exactly do you become an adult dog and calm down? For my part, I will try to do some strength building exercise slowly, I promise. We’re in this together.