Pop Cop: Lindsey Lohan (Get A Grip)

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I read today that the quintessential Lindsey Lohan is headed back to rehab for violating the terms of her probation. Really. If it were up to me I would  boot her skinny white ass to jail where, I think, she belongs. Forgive me for being crass but let’s take the rich, glamorous, Hollywood glitz and celebrity status out of this situation and then do the math.  Replace Lindsey Lohan’s name with an UNKNOWN drug addict from ANYWHERE:  Hawaii, Nevada, Florida, New York, a tiny crack house in Los Angeles ( you pick) and then hand down your verdict. Remove the expensive lawyers, the media frenzy and the public’s fascination for Hollywood and where does that leave you? Probably in jail, with the rest of the people who don’t have a ton of money for rich, top-notch lawyers. If this case involved an unknown, “regular” person would they too receive the “get out of jail free” card? Not in my opinion. I don’t think they would get the same number of chances when they relapsed either.

How many “do-overs” would we get for the same exact crime?  Many people have drug and alcohol addictions and I am sure its an extremely difficult thing to go through but, in my personal opinion, it was made easier for Ms. Lohan.

I’m sick of a justice system that allows a young addict like Lindsey Lohan to go back to a rehab program instead of sharing a cell in the county jail (oh right, I forgot, she had her own private cell when she was in jail.)  Where is her orange jumpsuit now? What privileges have been taken away from her? They even removed the SCRAM bracelet that detects drugs and alcohol from her fragile, famed, skinny, ankle.

What’s next for Lindsey Lohan after rehab? Perhaps a movie career, a modeling job or a talk show host for the daytime diva.  I seem to be missing the part where she is supposed to say “I am totally responsible for my actions.” I don’t know what will happen to Ms. Lohan after her stint in rehab; I have no idea, nor do I truly care. In all likelihood she will be able to work on her clothing line in rehab and will reap the financial rewards when she gets discharged.

Will Lindsey Lohan go the route of Anna Nicole Smith? It’s a possibility, I’m sure. It’s in her best interest to finally get herself clean, I’m just not sure if she can stay clean and sober. For her sake, I hope she does. She has brought this upon herself, partying to all hours of the night with her friends; touting liquor like it was her favorite lipstick. Get clean Lindsey, you’ve been given yet another chance. Don’t mess it up.

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“MTV, Teen Cribs” ( or I Want To Throw Up)

I actually WATCHED a show on television  (I couldn’t make this up if I tried) where teens show off their, mega, opulent, oversized, disgustingly big rooms/suites. The suites are housed in super big houses, near billiard rooms, bowling alleys and ice skating rinks. Seriously. No joke.  I am both fascinated and nauseated by this show, mostly nauseated. Okay, definitely all nauseated and totally disgusted.

The viewer is welcomed into the homes of these super- rich teenage kids and their ridiculously over indulgent more rich than rich parents. I kid you not. I have never seen anything like this in my life and I hope never to see it again. Once, twice was enough; more than enough. Kids have aquariums based on the movie Finding Nemo; they have home theaters, fully stocked concession stands  arcades, spa rooms,  backyard jacuzzi spa and slide sections so that “even when it’s snowing we can still go in.”  They have their own grotto, in case you were worried. Oh look, how quaint, they are making home-made pizza in their own pizza oven outside situated next to more grills than I could count. We’re not talking English Muffin pizza’s here.

There were hockey rinks, soccer fields, a gym with a working scoreboard. What house is complete without one? They have their own performing studios, and an “every day is a holiday” theme so they can keep the Christmas tree up all year-long. I’ve seen a chair museum in place of a dining room table,  psychedelic, modern, artistic mansions, no MANSIONS. These homes are described by their parents as “having a place where we all feel comfortable.” Give me a break.

This disgusting show of über opulence is so crude that over the top does not quite describe it. Over the top is an understatement. I actually had to text my teenagers to see if this was a real show or if it was made up?  Apparently, it’s real. Real if you live in a fantasy land, on another universe, in another galaxy. After watching this show it seems that Michael Jackson’s Neverland was nothing more than a quaint and cozy little shack.

Is this the standard we want our children to aspire to? Does the plethora of material riches, I mean crap, make them any happier? Don’t even answer that! What are these parents THINKING?  I’d be embarrassed to show off a ridiculous  mega-mansion like any of those shown. I would be ashamed, and I should be. So should they.

Kick these families out of their glamour galaxies, show them the real world, where most of us can barely live, can barely make ends meet. As for the teens? Kick them out of their go carts, scooters, Segueways and disco ball rooms, and hand them a book. A book about the real world, unemployment, financial troubles, poverty. Real people.

After not being able to watch another second of this show, I was grateful to find  a show on NBC about how a community helped a special needs family and their mom. Which show would you want YOUR kids to watch? “MTV Teen Cribs” or “America Now, A Circle of Helping Hands?” You make the decision, you do the math.

After accepting that “MTV Teen Cribs” is going to stay on television, all I can seriously hope for is that these RICH families do a lot for charity. That they give to those less fortunate than themselves (which is probably 99.9 percent of the world), it may sound idealistic but it’s the only hope I’ve got.

Pop Cop: Tiger Woods, Rehab. Really ?

I thought I could do it; I thought I could ignore the whole Tiger Woods story and not blog about it. I didn’t want to add to all the misguided attention this jerk was getting, but I just couldn’t do it.  I didn’t write until now but the blog welled up inside me, finally exploded and practically wrote itself. You would think I’d be a better person than this and could let things slide, turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, but obviously I can’t and I deeply apologize for that.

Oh, Tiger, WE THOUGHT WE KNEW YE. We knew bupkes, nothing, nada. We heard, and I swear I am NOT using the word allegedly this time, that you (hmm, time to think about nicer words to use than what I am thinking) umm, copulated your way through the United States and all International time zones constantly and for many years.  People marveled at your golfing skills and I am not here to criticize your fabulous putts, shots and driving ranges. But, when you are putting and driving your shots into ranges other than your wife’s?  I have something to say.

I think I could forgive an affair, people make mistakes;  even a one night stand  (I am TRYING to be open-minded) but what you did was purely and utterly disgusting, truly you are an old fashioned pig.  Fame. Using your money, power and status for your own selfish greed, hurting loved ones.   I don’t see the beautiful Oprah doing that or Ellen Degeneres (my new heroine).  Apparently, when celebrities abuse substances, spouses and sex,  they have an addiction problem.   Excuse my language but “addiction, my ass.” Does anyone remember the word, Cheater? Philanderer? Scumbag?  It is not a new concept but apparently it is only used for “regular” people and not “so-called-stars.”Big money and cocky star status will buy you that excuse called “addiction.”   You think you are entitled because of your celebrity status, but really,  you are not.  The women you “played with” were in it willingly, I know. But, just like there are rules in a golf game, there are rules in marriage. You fail.

I love sweet things, soft sugar cookies with green sprinkles on top, a glazed raspberry jelly doughnut, rich milk chocolate, honey-laden baklava,  maple creme cookies…  This does not, however, give me the excuse to rob various bakeries and when caught, say via a PR person “I  have a sugar addiction.” Actually, I really have to try to NOT be a sugar addict or a food addict, it isn’t easy, believe me. If  I eat one jelly doughnut one night, I give it UP the next night and I try as hard as I can. Tiger Woods didn’t try, he got caught, he had celebrity status and big money; he morphed into a sex addict.  How convenient!

You made mistakes; a boat load,  a cruise ship line full of mistakes.  You still want your stardom, celebrity status, forgiveness  and your wife and children too. So far Elin Wood has been the first woman, and I thank her deeply, not to stand by her man, at least not in the beginning. She made a statement and I applaud her.  If she forgives you and you promise to be a good boy, if I were her I would still require you to have a chip implanted in your “VEPEEPEE” to keep track of you. Seriously.

Children are important!  Kids need a family and I, for one, am all for protecting the children and the family.  Work it out if you can. But don’t ever think that people will think of you the same way, they won’t. Maybe you will be a star again, a golf star,  people can be very forgiving. This time, however, another mistake will not get you the recovering sex addict get- out- of- jail- card.  Redeem yourself if you can and to put it in easily understandable albeit crude terms:  keep it zipped, no matter what.