We Are Warriors, Not By Choice INVISIBLE ILLNESS WEEK

I’m not going to lie. If I had a choice of having Fibromyalgia, the umbrella tree illness and all its branches and not having it, I would drop it in a hot fire-searing second. But, like any illness, we don’t have a choice. We have it and the more we fight it the less happy we are.

I do think it takes a long time to finally accept this chronic illness, beyond anger and months of crying, not to mention countless clueless doctors and the raised eyebrows of many who think we are all nuts. I don’t know about you but I want to slap that question mark look right off their smug foreheads.

One of my doctor’s, a well-known person, left me sobbing in her exam room, after diagnosing me with a thyroid condition. I was already on synthroid and still in agony when she clicked her expensive heels, saying “there’s nothing I can do for you” and marched out. She hadn’t diagnosed Fibromyalgia, she didn’t have a clue.  This was eight years ago and the image still is clear in my head.

We are warriors, all of us, invisible illness warriors. You probably have heard of us but you may not know who we are and how we suffer. We don’t offer up the information, and if you know we have a chronic illness you ask in a perfunctory manner only. Our answer to all of you when you casually ask ” how are you?” is “fine.” We always say “fine” at least I do. Not many people really want to know the details and if you think about it you will agree. That’s okay, it takes too long to answer, doesn’t it? “Fine” works for both of us.

If you REALLY want to know there are always  follow-up questions or even a cup of coffee or lunch. We tend to be independent, close to other people who have the same ailment, the ones who know what chronic pain feels like. Some of my closest friends are women  who I have never met yet I love and trust implicitly, met on a Chronic Pain/Fibro group on-line. THESE women and I are here for each other even if only by e-mails, messages or by phone. I thank G-d for these women who are more loyal, supportive and loving than some of my so-called “friends.”

Radical illness

Radical illness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We know that there are more cloudy days than sunny days. We don’t expect sunshine all the time but even when the sun is weaving through the clouds, in and out, we appreciate the moments. We whisper our thanks in a hushed silence, trying not to let those dark clouds come further down and overwhelm us. It takes effort, I know.

 

 

It’s the in-between season now, we haven’t had that first bite of crispness in the air yet, like the bite of a fall Macoun apple, but, as evening comes rolling in, and darkness shrouds the trees, you feel the rain that is soon to come. You feel it in your bones, they ache due to broken wrists or ankles, the weather forecasting of having Fibromyalgia.

We can’t change our world, we can barely change our body. What can we change? A few things, our diet (no, I won’t give up coffee and ice cream) and our attitudes, different doctors. I could write a book on the doctors and methods I’ve tried. Let’s face it we are stuck, but we are alive to see our children grow up, a dog to love and for the dog to love us back. Having my dog rest her head on my knees or stomach makes me incredibly happy when I have to lie down. She is a rescue dog but really she also rescued me.

 


Dedicated to my dear friend, Judith.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#FWF Kellie Elmore

Source: We Heart It

 

Hello? Rhia a tall young woman with beautiful red hair, trailing down her back, was taking a walk past fields of grass through the lush green forest when she stopped short in front of the most beautiful image she had ever seen. She gasped, just staring at this magical wagon, with different colors, different textures. She said “Hello? again.” It was odd, she was sure she could hear whispers and giggling but she didn’t see anyone around. She felt incredibly safe so she climbed up the steps and peered into the wagon.

Rhia was a quiet but very strong young woman, having lived on the streets and shelters before, but as soon as she got to the top step she suddenly she felt a rush of happiness and love enveloping her. She never felt this feeling before. She walked around the carriage noticing the brilliant colors and daring to touch the lovely, embroidered, velvet and cotton and silk fabrics. She listened closely the sounds that the bells made swinging in the air.

 

 

She KNEW she had to know more about this magical place, she couldn’t leave, she would not leave for anything in the world. Her life, in the past had always been disconnected, she loved no one, no one loved her. She had never known what happiness was but she was beginning to think that a miracle had happened.

Today was the first day she felt a thrill of excitement and joy, her life was, from one minute to the next, blooming in vivid colors. She was part of a tapestry of richness and the Earth, magic, starlight, sun, moon. Immediately, her dull, tough, cold past and all that she once knew disappeared. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened before this day, but she knew by the way her heart was warming up inside her, she had just arrived home.

Rhia had been a wanderer before this, a sad, lonely young teen with fiery red hair trailing down her back. She had been born to live with nature, and as soon a she entered the wagon, she met a beautiful, mystical woman who she felt an immediate connection with, her name was Mother Ash. Ash and Rhia had been searching for each other for so many years not that they knew it, until they met that day and then they knew they would never be apart, not for a single day.

Together, they lived in the magical wagon with animals as their extended family to keep them company, to give them a home, to feed each other to sing songs together at night, to wake up together in the glorious sunshine.

A wolf was their best friend, and a furry-red haired fox that they knew must have been one of Rhia’s younger siblings, their hair was so similar.

Red fox. Picture from Skandinavisk Dyrepark, D...

Two large dogs stayed with them to protect them and keep them warm and two goats named Larry and Lena provided milk and home-made honey-lavender ice cream. The bees that swarmed were friendly, offering honey and among the grass precious plants grew, sweet-smelling lavender, mint and chives, dill and there was a huge vegetable garden that could keep them eating happily for months. They had eggs and cheese and of course they had no meat, how could they eat their friends?

The wagon never moved, except in their imagination. They didn’t want to hurt horses by making them pull, horses were their friends. Finally, when Rhia and Ash had lived there for three weeks and three days, the faeries and gnomes, feeling satisfied, presented themselves to Rhia and Ash. They had to be sure that these were the right people and of course they were.

At night, you could hear music that the animals played together, the sweet sound of the faeries giggling around the circle that they made, music played by the owls in their trees, the birds tweeting their flutes and the squirrels banging softly on their drums.

Rhia and Ash lived there forever, with more and more animals joining them, the sky in the morning was sunny every day, the night ended softly, phasing out with a beautiful blend of colors, a gorgeous sunset, that all the friends sat together and waved to say good-night to the sun.

 

http://youtu.be/6xL7JecwMxE

 

Click above link.

#FWF Kellie Elmore

Petrichor: The smell after it rains.

 

After it rains

 

Lavender

 

the scent of sweet lavender lingers in the air

 

droplets of water, morning dew, glisten on tall, oblong leaves.

 

Wild flowers, purple, pink, yellow, blue sway together like fans in a concert

 

dancing in the wind

 

stretching to feel the warmth of the velvet sun.

 

Fresh, green mint plants,

 

tickle our noses,

 

we inhale the menthol, clear our senses, to feel alive.

sunset

sunset (Photo credit: lil miss priss)

Mix mint with lime and muddled basil and sweet cane sugar, seltzer

 

to celebrate the glorious day with mojitos.

 

We sit on the freshly painted, white outside deck, of our house

 

waiting for the sun to set

 

With our best friends, our beloved dogs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Write A List, Any List…Plinky Prompt

  • English: A jelly donut that was bought at Dunk...

    English: A jelly donut that was bought at Dunkin’ Donuts in Brooklyn. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    Who doesn’t love a list? So write one! Top five slices of pizza in your town, ten reasons disco will never die, the three secrets to happiness — go silly or go deep, just go list-y. See all answers
    Edi\t answer | April 24, 2013 by hibernationnow

  •         The List of Happiness
    • Things That Make Me Happy:
    • My family (being healthy and safe)
    • A Raspberry/Strawberry Jelly Doughnut from Dunkin Donuts (maybe 2)
    • A tall, cold glass of milk
    • Pizza of any kind (except for super thin crust-why bother?)
    • The Ocean, walking, swimming, gathering seashells
    • My dog sleeping across my feet
    • Dining at a fancy restaurant, my husband, for a celebration
    • Vacation
    • Snorkeling on said fantasy vacation
    • Focusing on the Positive instead of the Negative. (I’m really trying)
    • Blogging/Writing
    • Grey’s Anatomy, The Voice, Top “F—ing” Chef (as we call it)
    • My Mother Being Motherly, Holding her soft hand.
    • Memories and Signs from my deceased Dad
    • Reading, all the time
    • Trying to be Positive instead of Negative
    • Trying HARD
    • Listening to the chuckle of an infant
    • Watching the sunset soothe its way unto the shore
    • Making a new friend.

Haiku Heights: Breeze

Shy

Shy (Photo credit: SriHarsha PVSS)

English: Sunset at Porto Covo, west coast of P...

English: Sunset at Porto Covo, west coast of Portugal (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Curled toes, sand digging

a whiff of air blowing cold

sunshine sleeps at night.

*****

White, lace dress, demure

dances wildly on her own

leaving me coy, shy.

*****

Air, thick with mud, stands

with evil eyes to taunt us

waiting for a breeze.

Haiku Heights: Dusk

With Shivering Hearts We Wait

With Shivering Hearts We Wait (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Rich, bold, light as wine

Red-pink blush, hovers and waits

Blending with kissing.

——-

Standing, embraces dusk

cool air, shivering alone

Hearts, spliced open, love.

——–

Hands once entangled

empty, cold, shivering, death

Longing for sunset.

Monday Mellow Yellows: Sunset

The Final Setting of the Sun at Birling Gap

The Final Setting of the Sun at Birling Gap (Photo credit: antonychammond)

Living in the Northeast, my soul longs for a sunny, warm day. These past months have been nothing but bitter cold weather and gray skies. I long to feel the warmth on my pale shoulders, to lift my head and feel the soft glow of the summer’s heat. I want to stay at the beach all day with family and friends and be there for the show that the sunset brings where everybody watches and when the sun sets, we all applaud. A free, masterful performance, once again. Thank you, dear sunset for that magical show.

NaBloPoMo November 2, 2012

Castaway Beach #2

Castaway Beach #2 (Photo credit: palestrina55)

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Sun on my back, gently crisping up my shoulders without burning, I  look healthy not like the cream cheese complexion I always look like here in New York. I love being near water so anywhere in the Caribbean or one of the Islands, for me would be ideal. I’d consider San Diego, California too but my mind goes first to a wonderful island where you just dream about but think you can’t ever do.

In my soul, I need to walk along the beach, collecting a stray seashell or two, not too many, just special ones that have meaning to them. The color of the water is a deep blue/green. Almost indescribable in words’; when people come for the first time they just gasp. Imagine not having to leave such loveliness, such wonder. I would nap every day after a light lunch of fruit and then I would take my mask and flippers and look at the amazing array of bright, beautiful fish that would dance around me as if we were all playing a game. I would be standing still, I didn’t want to interrupt their performance and so they danced around me; we had our routine, the fish and I. I came every day, at the same time and after a few weeks, I like to think they trusted me. I would give them some food and I had access into their world for just a little bit of  time.

I felt privileged just to see them in their colorful splendor; I was the intruder here so I kept myself quiet and very still. After that, I got out of the water and sat on the sand, until the sun warmed my body and my dripping wet hair. Nothing felt more right than sitting on the beach, calm, happy, watching the sun lowering itself into the water. The next morning I’d wake up and the climate would be the same, sunshine, freckles coming out on my skin; I rubbed lavender moisturizer all over my body and face so it would feel creamy and not like parchment paper. I didn’t care how I looked, I cared how my skin felt, I wanted it to feel well nourished and happy. Everything in life connects; I’ve learned that here.

Imagine this gift as you wake up every day of your life. Paradise. It is possible.

Sunrise vs. Sunset

Sunset on Cape Cod Bay

Image by PapaDunes via Flickr

Sunset

(Hey, they used MY prompt!! cool)

My most favorite place to go is to Cape Cod in Massachusetts. I haven’t been there in a very long time but we used to go, as a family, many years ago. Give me the sun, the grainy sandy beaches, the turbulent green ocean and the delicacy of the bay and I am happy.

One of the nicest traditions we had was going to a small beach and watch the sunset. It was a tradition we shared with other strangers, who became friends, as the sun disappeared and everyone smiled and clapped their hands. Sometimes music was playing, other times people brought fancy picnic dinners; some drank champagne. All we had was each other, two small children and my husband in the early evening light, and for us, that was perfect. There was nothing like a Cape Cod sunset, a fiery red ball dissolving into the night replaced by the protection of the dark, near the sound of the ocean’s soothing waves to lull us, gently, to sleep.

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