Beautiful, Happy, Yellow Roses. At one time they brought me utter delight, at another they brought me despair and heartbreak. A different day, a different situation. Total miscommunication.
I choose just to look at the happiness of the stunning flowers. I accept, though it is hard, that some things just can’t be worked out or understood. No matter how much you want to be heard, some people will not hear you. That’s Life. You tried, move on. It’s complicated.
Dark, stormy, alone
Frozen hopes, cling to memory
Trying hard, hold on.
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Black, electric probes
Try to shock, me out of me
Crying bloody tears.
Try to imagine,
life with chronic pain, grief, tears
A fantasy, sun.
Old Danish Customs House, Christiansted (Photo credit:
Dear VERY KIND, RICH PERSON,
Is it May yet? I know, I’m daydreaming. I know it isn’t May, its dull, depressing, December and I know pretty much everyone is on vacation except for me and my family. I am grateful for what I have, truly. However, I am a tiny bit envious of all who are vacationing in warm climates while my chronic, painful bones tighten up. In my mind I am trying to conjure up some images that A) might torture me for months or B) give me the impetus to get through the ugly, soggy mushy yet cold winter. Either way, it’s something to do.
I just want to talk. I don’t believe in miracles, trust me, like I didn’t really believe I would win the lottery but it’s fun to think about so here we go: It’s only December and just because we had one day, sorry, two days with 20 more seconds of light it doesn’t mean it’s time to celebrate and dance barefoot in the grass with flowers entwined in our hair. It’s twenty bogus seconds, that’s it. But, we take what we are given, no, there are no hot dogs on the grill or s’mores from the barbecue just quite yet. Get inside, it’s freezing.
We eat tomatoes that look and taste like wax, they are not even orange-red but some pale combination of yellow and green and plastic, utterly tasteless. The fresh fruit that we long for in the summer has whittled down to apples, oranges, a few mangy grapes, drooping from their spines as if they were just begging to be put out of their misery. Do these grapes really look like they have the will to live? No, poor things, just put them in the back and don’t let us witness their slow, disintegrating death, it’s just too sad.
The sky, again, is white and black, sometimes blended into gray. I’m staring into my yellow pillow that I bought to conjure up what I remember as sun but it doesn’t do the trick. “Surround yourselves with things you love” is not always easy. I love the ocean and sand and seashells but even my globe filled with delightful seashells and sand does not make me feel like I am on vacation in St. Croix, or any of The Virgin Islands, Mexico, or anyplace warm. I’m woefully stuck in reality.
Most people are away for this long holiday break to places I’ve never heard of much less been to. Families with a lot of money book places far in advance so they have vacations to look forward to, I envy them. I rationalize my thinking: if this was my norm, flying somewhere every break, would I take it for granted? I admit, I wouldn’t mind finding out.
In my mind, I’m vacationing in St. Croix, or Jamaica, Hawaii or Australia. These old weary bones that ache constantly would just have to settle in for the long flight and suffer, knowing that in the end, I would see skies a beautiful shade of blue, silky, soft sand and walking on the water’s edge. My only goal is to worship and enjoy the natural elements of life. Given the chance, my family and I can be packed in ten minutes and we thank you so very much.
English: St Croix (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
English: dew on grass Français : rosée sur une herbe Español: Rocío sobre el cesped (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Translucent drops glow
Sunshine laughs, rain kissed
strands of grass, blessed, pray.
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Rainbow specks, water
glisten on yellow tulips
Somewhere horses play.
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Banker horses (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Morning sun on snow at Kelsall (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The first real snowfall, pretty white flakes clinging to trees. Ice is slippery and
frightening. The sky is first black and white but when it clears for a moment or two
the sun comes out and makes these branches glisten.
English: A jelly donut that was bought at Dunkin’ Donuts in Brooklyn. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
20 RANDOM THINGS I LIKE:
The year is slowly coming to an end, the weeks are flying by. I’ve put together a current list of things that make me happy. Life can be hard, you need to appreciate the little things, here are twenty of mine:
1) Alex and Sierra (From the X Factor)
2) Miniature Almond Joys
I love these and their cousin Mounds but here you get an added crunch of the almond. I LOVE coconut, the taste lingers on your lips after you finish it. Don’t tell my dentist but if I have one of these before I go to bed I “accidentally” forget to brush my teeth. It’s so worth it. The only reason I added Mini is because if I have the regular size I start to feel guilty. ( You can’t possibly feel guilty after eating one of those.) Win-Win.
3) My Christmas (Thanksgiving) Cactus
Every year at Thanksgiving our Christmas cactus starts to sprout beautiful, bright red flowers. I guess our cactus is always early (like my whole family) and shows up ahead of schedule. Seeing some bright red color when the winter is so gray makes me happy.
4) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (the movie) The one movie that divides sisters! I love it and my sister hates it.
5) The time 8:32. On the way to junior high school, I would always look out the window while I was standing in the overcrowded, adolescent, odorous teenage filled bus. We passed a bank near our school and there was a big sign with the time, every morning we passed,it said 8:32. For some reason, that number when seen, still makes me happy.
6) Believing in messages from those who have passed on and getting them for me or a friend. Powerful. Spiritual: “Love Does Not Die” ( Post)
7) I like the way my husband orders his french fries: “Can you make them extra crispy please?”
8) My friend Denise’s nut tarts. I have a friend who bakes the most delicious, bite size nut tarts, she could sell these professionally, they are like a work of edible art. Bite sized carmelized pecan heaven, I’m almost glad I don’t see her often. Addictive.
9) Avegelemno soup, from our local Greek restaurant. Tangy, lemony with pieces of chicken and rice. Served with soft, puffy pita bread.
10) Goldfish (the living kind not the crackers) I had a goldfish named Frank that I loved dearly, umm, it died and it was all my fault. I overfed it. I still feel guilty and this was many years ago. I’m so sorry, Frank. R.I.P.
11) The sun and the color Yellow (see my weekly posts on Yellow Magic Madness)
12) A body of water (any kind) ocean, lake, stream, pond…This is where I feel happiest, close to water.
13) Nature. As I get older I want to spend more and more time outside surrounded by mother nature. It was not that important to me when I was younger. Age gives you experience, wrinkles too but it also gives you wisdom. I like to be outside, weather permitting, as much as possible. Even with Fibromyalgia, I try to force myself outside when I can.
14) Vacation: For the last few years I haven’t had anything to look forward to in a major way. Sure, I look forward to see my friends or to go out to dinner but having something special to look forward to months from now is incredibly joyful. We are planning a trip with my mom in the Spring and I am looking
forward to that, more than I can explain. I definitely need something once a year, it will be my New Rule for myself. It doesn’t have to be anything big but it does have to be SOMETHING.
15) Jelly Doughnuts: We have them on New Year’s Eve, a European Tradition but I had one the other day while my husband had a Boston Creme Pie doughnut just for the fun of it. Delicious. Thank you, Dunkin Donuts.
16) Singing out loud (and off-key) to music streaming from my computer (classic 70’s pop rock, Bruce,
17) Listening to my husband whistle, happily. My father used to whistle happy tunes all the time, when my husband whistles it also reminds me of my dad, and that’s a good memory.
18) Pizza (There is no such thing as bad pizza, when it is leftover pizza and is too dry or it loses its taste, add strawberry jam.) I’m serious.
19) Books (Real books that I hold in my hand, no techno devices) Call me old-fashioned.
20) Flashlights.
English: Evening sunshine, Rutland Water. Just to the SW of Lodge Farm, this part of the shoreline looks most inviting. It’s just a pity that the beach is mud and there is blue-green algae in the water! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Autumn Colours (Fall Colors) – Red Tree (Photo credit: dbrooker1)
Fall Colors (Photo credit: msn678)
Are you kidding me? One more week of the old? Try NEVER MOVING OUT OF THE OLD, but I will take one more week if that’s all I can get. I hate the cold winters, the chill goes through my bones and is trapped there.
I have always hated the cold weather but having a chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, makes my bones stiffen and hurt, trapped in place.
In my fantasy, I am wearing just a long-sleeved pink cotton shirt, jeans and sneakers. No jackets, no scarves, no mittens or boots. The leaves are full and multicolored and glowing in the afternoon sun. I feel comfortably warm, my head turned to the sun, I’m smiling.
Sunshine (Photo credit: therealannogus)
Summer leaving soon
that familiar nip in the air
one or two days of warm yellow sunshine left.
Any chance you get, put your face in the sun and remember how it feels for the long, long and brutal winters ahead.
sunshine (Photo credit: huntz)
(Photo credit and all rights listed under photos)
First light (Photo credit: eleanord4
Reaching for the Sun (Photo credit: paperbackwriter)
Sniff sea air, faces
Yield to the sun like tulips
Green water crashes
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Curled, in a tan ball
hiding from treachery, greed
A seashell in sand.
(all photographs are property of the photographers.)
seashell on sand at Avila beach (Photo credit: kingdesmond1337)
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