Sniff sea air, faces
Yield to the sun like tulips
Green water crashes
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Curled, in a tan ball
hiding from treachery, greed
A seashell in sand.
I would be driving on country roads, passing mooing cows and prancing chestnut horses. I would drive slowly past the dancing goats and the green grass vibrant with color and misty with dew. I would be in my (fantasy) yellow Volkswagon Beetle. I would have the windows down as the warm air breathed life into my hair and skin. Of course, my favorite music would be blasting. I would listen to old tunes, James Taylor, Simon and Garfunkel, Joni Mitchell and my new favorite, Josh Radin. My dog would be in the seat next to me and I would talk to her and she would be stretching her face into a broad smile. Two bottles of water would sit next to me for when we both got thirsty. The trees would be in bloom, it’s the height of Spring, daffodils have sprouted and so too exuberant tulips in red, pink, white and yellow. I would stop for a picnic because everything tastes better outdoors and I would lie in the grass, on my back and let the soothing sun kiss my face my face and body.
It was one of THOSE days. One of those days that I knew I had to get out of my very small house that was threatening to eat me up alive. Our little cozy cottage was filled with my husband, two bored teenagers home for February break, our yawning dog and me. I needed to get out and drive somewhere and I needed a destination. I was looking for someplace where I could walk indoors and get away from the 22 degree temperature and howling winds. I loathe winter. The snow has been piled up for months and I felt claustrophobic and depressed and all the problems (unemployment for my husband, chronic pain for me) were feeling insurmountable. I wanted to see different things, admire vibrant colors, and more importantly see people I didn’t know; people of all shapes and sizes, colors, width and height; speaking different languages, interesting strangers.
I headed to Target and it was terribly crowded but I didn’t mind; I weaved in and out of the store using their bright, red carriage for support. As soon as I saw the clothing and shoes section I immediately felt happier. SUMMER!!! All the clothes were short-sleeved and summery, and the textures were light, like a softly worn handkerchief. The colors bloomed throughout the store like daffodils: yellow, pink, rose, white, aqua, baby blue. The shoes were flimsy flip-flops and sandals; not a muddy brown winter boot in sight! I honestly felt relieved and joyful when I saw that the aisles had been cleared away of all the winter gear and the store was telling me, that yes, winter REALLY will be over and summer is not just a fantasy.
On the way home though, I felt blue once again, worrying about things I can’t control, fretting about things I shouldn’t fret about. With tears streaming down my frozen face I started feeling miserable again, especially when I heard the forecast and an additional 6 inches of snow was on its way. I crawled into bed, to try to relieve my aches and pains and I gently put the covers back over my face and sighed. Sleeping is very good therapy for me.
When I woke up I felt much better, perspective restored. I got out of bed, headed down the stairs with my brown, white and red Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer slippers to the kitchen. I made a piece of multi-grain toast with butter and honey. Honey is one of the world’s loveliest foods. To me, it is a delicacy, delicious and beautiful in every shape or form. The color of honey in itself is a work of art, like a beautiful painting about warmth and the sun and love. Honey is comforting, it’s deliciously lovely, it soothes and calms. While Target got me out of the house, honey, saved my spirit and welcomed me back home.