Haiku Horizons, Comfort

Love, Two Ways

Comfort in his arms

soft kisses nuzzling my neck

Our backs arch to dance.

 

 

 

 

 

Thunder booms, fierce wind

Don’t be scared, my son, my love.

I will comfort you.

 

 

 

Haiku Heights: Health

Annoying symptoms

A red, heart-shaped leaf in Scotts Valley CA in November. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

pest, try to wave it away

women, heart attack?

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Carolyn Thomas: Healthy Heart: Women  YOU MUST READ THIS: Heart Sisters, myheartsisters.com with the wonderfully intelligent and exceptionally kind, Carolyn Thomas. I have talked to her myself. Please check out her Facebook page to save yourself, a loved one or a friend.

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Muscles ache, stiffen

I want to run like the wind

I can barely move.

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Fibromyalgia

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Nothing else matters

No dress, no sparkly diamond

Good health IS your gift.

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it’s too cold out, i’m lazy as shit

Just another Tequila Sunset… (Photo credit: law_keven)

ramblings from a woman in bed 2:

i could blame my four going on five days of staying in my bed on m chronic illnesses,  fibromyalgia: because my muscles and bones or as we call them bone-ces do hurt and I am unsteady on my feet and off balance. I could say my auto-immune disease, hashimotos-thyroiditis is making me feel weak and that my immune system is whacked, how I still don’t know. but basically in this random writing, i’d be lying and that’s one thing I try not to do. cause I sure hate it when others do it to me.

it’s cold as a bitch out there, the winds are past blowing, they are swaying the barren trees and the unfortunate people who are out there. i’ve been in bed for the last 4 days, the thought of going outside seems unreasonable and impossible, it would hurt too much. if i had to go out and it was an emergency i know i could do it but with my kids home and hanging out, there is no need. hubby took this week off and he does not mind cold weather like i do, it’s been this way for over 25 years. i’ve always hated the cold weather but especially since i got sick with these chronic illnesses. the cold tenses up my already stiffened muscles and makes me suffer with even more pain. why do that if there is no benefit? once it is reasonably cold out, i will go. i’m not boycotting it, i’m just rebelling. let’s be reasonable.i need warmth, sun, beach, water; i’m keeping my eye on the prize.

i’ve talked to friends who have the same illnesses and they too are nestled in their soft pajamas, staying in bed and drinking tea in a mug with milk and sugar or strong coffee, or sipping water from a big, clear bottle. the only thing i want to eat is soup and i remember i have a large container of home-made pea soup with ham and lots of carrots (for sweetness) waiting for me in the freezer. you can hear the wind howling, it thrashes by my windows with fury, the new windows, of course which do nothing but cost a lot of money that we do not have.

my life would be easier if i loved cold weather but my husband and i have been fighting ok discussing this for years now. so far he has won. but when both children graduate college, it’s my turn. i want to see the bright yellow of the morning sun, to see the red velvet sunset on the beach and clap at the beauty. i want nature and water in my life and not once every five years but daily, at least for a time. i would compromise, i’d be a snowbird but this i will not do much longer. this makes me unhappy, it’s going to be my turn next. I need more nature in my life, more sunshine. the ice pellets are now coming down quickly stick to every surface; black ice hides sneakily where you think you are safe. the cold, nasty, biting wind just slaps my soul.

Plinky Prompt: When was the last time you felt truly lonely?

• Storm Sandy
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  Uprooted tree from Storm Sandy (Photo credit: Arlington County)

  Day 1 NaBloPoMo

  Full rain storm

  The lights went out, there was no electricity, there was only a deep chill in the air that piles of blankets couldn’t help. Storm Sandy was visiting New York and I felt lonely and confused and in shock at what was happening. How could this happen here? I felt disappointed in a way that New York could let me down like this, I felt cheated. I couldn’t call anyone or take a walk, I looked out the window clutching my flashlight and there was nothing to see. Just darkness, lonely, cold darkness everywhere I could see. I thought I heard mumbling outside but I was too frightened to venture out and I wasn’t sure if it was real or my imagination. The wind was howling and reaching for the darkened windows with passion like two young lovers.
  It was right after dinner when the lights went from on to off, no flickering as a warning, and I hate surprises of any kind. So, when I stood with two sharp knives near the dishwasher in the total darkness, I screamed as if I had been stabbed. My husband was also in the kitchen and he too, screamed, startled by the quick switch from light to dark. We were alone, together, in the sudden darkness of our neighborhood that I used to describe as “cozy.” Nothing felt cozy tonight.
  Disbelief described our feelings as well. How could this happen, here? Nothing made sense, we were trying to make sense out of something that seemed impossible until now. Everything I knew before was gone;I felt sorry for the children who, once again, could not Trick or Treat. This was the new normal and it was sad.

   

Haiku Heights – Whisper

Image by f towery via Flickr

Mouth close to my ear

Seduction of a secret

It starts with a spark

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Under the blankets

The children giggle and hush

Talking in the night

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I cradle my dog

She is my secret keeper

Arms blend with soft fur

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Red and blue flowers

Barely move with the soft wind

A whisper, a touch

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Waiting In A Too Still Moment

Image via Wikipedia

There are a lot of things going on but except for the doctor’s appointment I had today, with a breast surgeon ( I’m fine) I am waiting for things to happen.  My dog looks unwell, tired and scared, she is not eating. Is it the upcoming thunderstorms she feels approaching or…..is she too old?  She won’t come up the stairs, that is very unusual. I changed my own doctor’s appointment next week because I noticed my dog’s exam with her veterinarian is scheduled for the same day. I will go with her; I have always gone with her, every year for nine years. She needs me and I need her. She is nine and sometimes I look at her and want to quietly weep. My pup. I’ve had you since I rescued you at six weeks old.

I am waiting for test reports to come back, not for myself; the phone is quiet, not shrieking, loud and  jarring as it usually is.  It is never this quiet here.  I feel a pause in the universe and inside myself.  There are no sounds in the house except my fingers clicking on this old keyboard. I am concentrating on the stillness and it feels surreal.

Will it feel like this when both my kids go off to college? My son, is going to college in September; my daughter, my baby, next year. Prom is the day after tomorrow and I am still in disbelief  that time has passed so quickly. Even though I have seen the handsome tuxedo and the grin on my son’s face I can’t believe it is here. I am afraid I will cry when I see the sparkling young couples posing together for their prom pictures. I will bring sunglasses and not let it show although my son only has to take one passing glance at me and he will know. I will NOT let him see.

I could pick up the phone but I don’t want to ruin this eery quiet with unnecessary noise. The silence and solitude, I fear, is meant for a reason. I am breathing deeply. I sip from a small, green Pellegrino bottle, it seems to be the only color in the entire room. I never liked to drink water before but I enjoy this. Maybe it’s because we drank bubbly mineral water, every day, when we were in  Spain.  Our Spain vacation with my husband, for ten days, now seems like a dream I had; it is getting cloudy in detail, in texture, in color, in my memory.

I would like to keep everyone safe and healthy but I have no control. I am  gathering up courage in order for me to help others. I am trying to come from a centered place. I am controlling anxiety by breathing but it is beginning to be hard to swallow. My dog, my son, test results, weather, change is coming quickly, but it isn’t here yet.

It is getting cloudy now, maybe the thunderstorms will come and relieve the awful, suffocating heat. The thunderstorms are supposed to make the weather cooler; I know that but my dog doesn’t. I will keep her near me, my arm around her fur and wait for the storms to come crashing down like glass shattered by a young boy’s errant baseball. Everything can change in a moment, I want to be ready.

My Idea of Perfect Weather

Image by hufse via Flickr

Sun, Sugar And My Soul

Perfect weather: a bright blue sky with shiny puffs of cotton-candy shaped clouds, the sun warming my hair and no rain in sight. It’s a day where I sit outside in an old green lawn chair and watch the red cardinals and finches and funny birds with yellow mohawk haircuts visiting and eating from the bird feeder. I don’t chase the squirrels away, they eat the sprinkled food I leave on the ground for them. I laugh as they play and chase each other around always looking glassy-eyed and shocked. I love to see the bright yellow dandelions popping up amongst the green grass. I stare at the brightness of the yellow flower and the puffy, soft bristles that we blew in the wind when we were innocent children, making wishes, believing they would come true.

I would have a picnic outside with family and friends because we all know that everything tastes so much better if you eat it outdoors. Sandwiches on rye bread, thick with cheese and ham or cucumbers, tomatoes and mozzarella cheese on French bread with a drizzle of light green olive oil and a sprinkling of black pepper and pungent oregano. Art in a sandwich. We would drink home-made lemonade, sweet with sugar and the juice of many yellow, spongy lemons. There would be a variety of sugar cookies, spicy ginger snaps, chocolate chip brownies and my famous banana bread moist, rich with plump raisins and a dusting of brown sugar. Sunshine, sugar, sweetness, the essence of my soul; while these magical days don’t come often, we appreciate them more when they do appear, like a gift from the sky.

Just a Little Harmless Venting

Winter, Bloody Winter

It’s freezing, my hands hurt, they are red and raw. Soothing hand lotion just disappears into my aching pores but I can’t feel any difference or relief. Each finger is an individual icicle, stuffed into useless lined gloves. I can’t feel my toes they seem to have become webbed together because of this unnatural cold spell. I have four layers of clothing on underneath an old brown, tired winter jacket. I would actually prefer an old-fashioned snowstorm to these chilling, painful, low temperatures and hollering winds. With snow, trees, bushes and houses take on a life of their own. Everything looks innocent and bright. Pointy roofs are layered with glistening snow. Dogs happily romp in the snow, they run like deer performing ballet. It’s beautiful to watch; there is no beauty now. I can almost hear the roar of an impromptu snowball fight and the sound of children laughing. When I first go outside the wind hits my face like an unexpected, violent slap. The days are short, gray and abysmal. I shiver constantly; I hate feeling cold; my aging body agrees. Having Fibromyalgia makes the cold even worse. It’s colder than cold, my joints are stiff and I ache everywhere. Every move is accompanied by extra pain; life feels dreary. My body misses much-needed heat and my soul is deprived of sunshine.