Yellow Mellow Madness #56

 

English: Rosa 'Mellow Yellow' at the Inez Gran...

English: Rosa ‘Mellow Yellow’ at the Inez Grant Parker Rose Garden, Balboa Park, San Diego, California, USA. Identified by sign. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I thought for sure that I could stop posting yellow things since I would be seeing them outside by now but no…..the air is BRISK, windy, freezing cold. Technically yes, its Spring but it doesn’t feel like Spring. To all of us, it feels like Winter. We were lucky not to get SNOW today. I am not kidding. I truly hope this is the last entry. Why do I think it may not be? Today’s picture of interest is this: A YELLOW rose something I hope to see soon in real life.

 

Photo Source: Wikipedia/Copyrighted/FREE USE

 

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What, Exactly, Is Happiness?

Rice pudding bowl

Rice pudding bowl (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I thought the  rice pudding that my husband bought me from the diner would make me happy but it just made me feel momentarily content. Twice. Now, there’s only one small portion left from the giant trough that he brought home on Sunday night. One, huge, tub of home-made rice pudding, the Reddi Whip had already melted, making it look like a floating swan on water, peaceful, gliding, making no trouble at all. A sensory satisfaction of taste.

It appeared to be a raisin and cinnamon revolution. Rice pudding with no raisins and no cinnamon? I was briefly unnerved but it was so tasty, rich, sweet and creamy that I really couldn’t complain. Tonight, the last night, I added my own raisins and cinnamon. For my tasting pleasure, now it is gone.

I need strength to feel settled tonight. I’m scared, there are just too many potential problems for too many people going on in the next three months. I’m much better when the time is NOW than weeks ahead of time but inside I know I am freaking out. Trembling as my bones quiver from the inside out, shaking so that anyone who knows me can see.

Too many people I love are sick at the same time. I am feeling at an all time low, physically and emotionally. My shoulders ache, the pain in my back still digs into me, not letting go or it moves to surprise me, to the side. Poke, Stab, Poke. Winter, does not just weigh heavily on the branches of the naked tree limbs but also on my tightened shoulders that lock in place; it takes hours for the heating pad to barely loosen them. I’ve tried the steamy hot baths, bath salts…nothing helps.

Maybe, I should just give up on Winter. This year, I was promised that I  could go to someplace warm to soothe my aching bones and muscles, and again, another lay off. No one’s fault. It’s just the way the world works these days. Trust no one. You are not safe.

Protect Yourself.

What is happiness, anyway?

It’s elusive.

A distant memory, aging photographs, some distinct thoughts of the past. Maybe it’s age or money or just a state of mind. I can’t seem to see it at the moment….

If I don’t have it, it doesn’t mean I don’t want YOU to have it, it just makes me a little sad to see those with luck, get luckier and those who are down on their luck, stay there and go deeper under the icy cold, black abyss.

My real friends understand, I don’t need to tell them I am hurting, they know. Or, if I mumble a quick “fine” or “I’m good” they will look into my eyes, the pathway to my soul and understand. THEY don’t look away. They stick with me through all days.

True Friendship.

True Friendship=Happiness

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Yellow Magic Madness #48

Happy Day for Bugs on Yellow flower!

Happy Day for Bugs on Yellow flower! (Photo credit: Rosa Blue)

Enhanced by ZemantaWith a foot of snow tumbling down
from the white skies and no
colors around except white and gray,
I need to see color
somewhere to make me feel alive.
This photograph was taken by my friend,
Rosa Blue,
who takes magnificent photographs,
all filled with good spirit light.
When I picked this photo
I had no idea it was taken by my friend.
That’s happiness !
Enjoy this snap of happiness
and try not to count how many more
days till Spring.
Take things day by day.
Please stay safe and warm.

#FWF Kellie Elmore

Frühlingsblumen verschiedene Krokusse

Frühlingsblumen verschiedene Krokusse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Circle of Life: Death & Rebirth

This is the time for introspection, to put things in order not just for my house, but for me. My life lesson: I have clung to old friendships far too long, they are dead, like the crumpled crisp brown leaves on the yard. Friendships where I am the only one who is trying.  You can’t force a friendship and your real friends, your true friends are always there. “The past” is a nice memory not a basis for friendship.

It is the second week of November, I look out my window and see gray skies and naked trees. There is no more sun peeking from behind blue skies, I mourn the sunshine, the flowers, the bright, orange, red, yellow leaves of the Fall that used to embrace the trees. What was once my favorite season is now seen as the precursor to the worst season, Winter.

Winter is on its way, people are dismissive and say “add layers of clothing” as they stuff themselves into scarves and hats, mittens and feel warmer but not me and not anyone who shares the chronic illness of Fibromyalgia and Hashimoto’s Disease. Those words taunt us, they are a  joke, a cruel comedy, a farce. Nothing helps, the winter chill goes through our bones and latches on like a one huge tick, sucking blood. We are always exhausted, we have no energy, we have what seems like the flu without the fever, every day of our lives. In the winter our bones and muscles are stiff, unyielding and painful.

Many times I don’t get dressed. My nightgown becomes my party dress and my pajamas serve as my jeans and sneakers. I know when I am in a ” Fibro Flare” when I cannot wear anything, that strains against my body. My body is bloated and the jeans make angry red imprints on my stomach even though they are the right size for me. If I have to be outside, as soon as I  come home I literally rip the tight, restricting clothing off, my bra, my pants and change into loose, soft pajama bottoms and a well-worn tee-shirt. It is only then I can breathe. To people with chronic pain, Winter is a slow death, a Tragedy.

After a long, bleak winter, when the temperatures get higher and we have weeks of rain, my body and mind change. My body hurts because of the dampness and the changing weather but my heart knows that soon I will see buds springing from the ground to show off the first fashions of Spring. One day out of the corner of my eye, I see several bright, green buds pushing their way from the deep, dark earth. It is the promise of Spring fulfilled, crocuses have pushed their way above ground: Hope. Once the crocuses have sprung forth, soon we will see the burst of color dancing before our eyes.  It is a ballet I love to watch.  I never get bored. In a matter of days the forsythia bush in my back yard has sprouted brilliant, bright yellow lights, buds and I know that we are safe and loved.

One day, the sun pulls out its lazy arms and stretches, beams its beautiful smile and soars to the top of a deep blue sky. It is officially Summer, It is time to Rejoice, to take advantage of every single day that we have been given, a reprieve, from pain, from gloominess, a treat. I enjoy the summer as much as I can. Even though extreme heat is not good for chronic pain patients, it is good for my soul to look outside and see the painting of flowers and sun and hear the laughter of children riding their bicycles in the neighborhood. The sun, makes me happy, it does affect my mood. It softens the world around us, like a soft, romantic filter on an otherwise hard life. I am grateful for the sun, every single day, it is time to Celebrate with friends: joyous laughter, food, children selling lemonade, dogs running around outside, people holding hands. This would be my final act.

Somewhere Birds Are Singing

English: Red-headed Woodpecker (Melanerpes ery...

English: Red-headed Woodpecker (Melanerpes erythrocephalus). Canada Rondeau Provincial Park, Ontario, Canada. Image collected at the feeders behind the Visitor Centre. Français : Pic à tête rouge. Parc provincial Rondeau, Ontario, Canada. Cliché pris aux mangeoires situées derrière le centre d’accueuil des visiteurs. 日本語: ズアカキツツキ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t see leaves on the branches through my windows anymore. I miss the lush colors of red, orange and yellow that greeted me in the daytime, gleaming from the sun. As Winter approaches and I tend to recede indoors I know that some of my winter friends are rejoicing at the prospect of snow in the near future. Honestly, I cannot relate to that one bit. I hate being cold and the fact that “you can always put on more layers” does nothing for me.  When I am cold, it goes right through my body to my bones probably because I have Fibromyalgia. Cold not only hurts, it stabs repeatedly.

I drink a mug of tea, with milk and a spoonful of glistening, amber honey.  It’s nice as long as the tea lasts which is probably five or six minutes. My stomach is warm and I relish the flavor but after, nothing of the warmth or the taste remains. Cold air seeps through our brand new windows.

This is the worst time of year for me, the end of Autumn, when we turn the clocks back an hour. Sure, it’s nice for that one day to get that “extra” hour of sleep ( a concept that I will never understand ) but one we pay for dearly. Winter lasts much too long for me.

I admire the skiers, snow boarders, ice skaters, I think if I had a hobby outside in the freezing temperatures it would make me happier. The only thing I enjoy in the winter at a ski lodge is drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows from a ceramic mug. I was never athletic and having “loose” bones all I need to do is trip,  anywhere, and an ankle or wrist breaks and is in a cast for weeks, I’ve been in that black boot way too many times.

The only thing I like about this season is watching and listening to the birds and their songs. I fill the bird feeders regularly, that is my outdoor hobby. I sit inside and watch them play and fly and eat. I listen to the birds’ sweet songs, watch the cardinal couples flying back and forth through the trees to feed each other and to sing happily. I love that they come in couples. They bring me the only piece of joy in the long winter months. At least I have that.

Plinky Prompt: Time Stands Still But You Can Change One Thing

  • Field of Daffodils with an old barn in the bac...

    Field of Daffodils with an old barn in the background. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    For a moment today, time stands still — but you can tweak one thing while it’s stopped. What do you do? See all answers

  • Standstill
  • I would turn back time, not for very long, just a few months. Instead of Winter approaching, I want it to be Spring again. I want to see luscious green grass with fields of daffodils waving their thin yellow arms to greet the sun. I would take out my sandals and head to the beach, walk outside, sit on a bench and people watch. It’s definitely the official day of ice cream. Soft serve, vanilla with rainbow-colored sprinkles. Nothing could be better than that…

Haiku Heights: Change

English: Fall leaves in Eugene, Oregon

English: Fall leaves in Eugene, Oregon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Burnt orange-red leaves

fade to brown threads of winter

acid dreams of hell.

*********************************************

Tunnel of darkness

small kids become teenagers

Years before the light.

Is that the light at the end of the tunnel?

Is that the light at the end of the tunnel? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Plinky Prompt: For many of us, winter is blooming into spring, or fall hardening into winter. Pick.

157 Flowers in the Sky

157 Flowers in the Sky (Photo credit: Andreas.)

  • For many of us, winter is blooming into spring, or fall hardening into winter. Which season do you most look forward to? See all answers
  • Which season? Seriously?
  • You’re kidding right? As if there was a choice, at least for me….Anyone who knows me is probably laughing now. Fall hardening into winter? Not a chance in the world. Ever. I hate the winter, hate to be cold, hate the length of winter, the slippery snow and ice. Nothing appeals to me about long winters, I’ve been begging to move to a warmer climate but we can’t do that just yet.
    I know people say that because we have these long winters we appreciate spring more but I have to say I don’t think there is anyone else that appreciates spring more than me. The beauty of a sun drenched sky, sun warming my shoulders, daffodils popping up, pink flowers lighting up the blue sky, the first crocus; I am grateful for every one of them. The cardinals come home, chirping their happy song, flying, their red coats, like a flash of reward and hope.