I’m On Fire In A Fibro Flare-Up

Campfire-flames

I’ve been working through the pain of Fibromyalgia for the last few months; today it caught up to me in a bad way. I couldn’t move, walk, take a baby step. Even when I sat down on my pale green modern sofa, my feet ached and throbbed and wouldn’t stop hurting. Drugs don’t seem to help me but sleep does. It’s only 7:00pm and I am forcing myself to stay awake even though I am lying down on my bed, stiff and unable to move. I need help to get out of bed, I am grateful for my husband who comes to my rescue. Very grateful.

I am yearning for sleep; to pull the extra blankets over my head and feel my body try to release its tension and pain. I’m hoping the pain will not wake me up tonight, will not tug at my shoulders or send stabbing pain up and down my legs. I need a night off from pain, just one night and then I will be ready to trudge through the pain again, like walking uphill through a windy snowstorm. It isn’t easy but if it has to be done, it’s sometimes possible.

Everything tonight is black and white, food, books, conversations, life. I am trying to relax my muscles but it is not working, maybe I am trying too hard. I am not sure I know what the word relaxation means anymore since my body feels like an overworked metal machine; I am the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, still searching for some oil.

After many years of believing in the magic oil, the magic pain relief, I have given up on believing in a possible cure. I don’t care about the naysayers either, I know what I feel, what many of my friends feel. Who wants to advertise or brag about pain? Not I.

I compliment myself on my attitude, still having a sense of humor, still looking forward to a piece of a chocolate chip loaf from a nearby restaurant. I have plans to watch Modern Family with my husband on-line to keep me up 26 minutes later before I beg for sleep. I accept what I can do and what I can’t do. There is a handicap rail for inside my new, deep bathtub. My daughter looked shocked, embarrassed: “Mom, please don’t tell me we are having handicapped bars in the upstairs bathroom.” “Yes” I said quietly but firmly. “Why?” her teenage self asked. “Because I need them, honey” I answered. She had the grace to turn away so I could not see her embarrassed and troubled blue eyes.

I need to use handicapped rails sometimes, like I also need tea with milk and honey in the winter and bright yellow daffodils in the springtime. All of these parts represent me, not just one. Like I need my morning coffee, now known as “a red-eye” a strong cup of coffee with a shot of espresso, it doesn’t define me but it is part of my routine in the morning. Fibromyalgia and my autoimmune disease, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis are just parts of me; the parts of me that suffers with chronic physical pain. I have to accept that but I do not have to let them define me.

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14 thoughts on “I’m On Fire In A Fibro Flare-Up

  1. Pingback: Pain… 24/7 « Infinite Sadness… or what?

  2. I am sorry for your pain. Having just had 6 days in bed, I know your feelings. Sometimes all I can think of is “sleep, sleep, sleep” to take away the pain. It gives you a respite from it. I know. I hope that you feel better soon. I am hoping that your pain meds work too – I know that feeling when it doesn’t matter how much or what you take, it isn’t going to work.
    I can recommend some really good TV shows and books – if you can take it. I have been using a DVD play in my bed – so if I fall asleep, it doesn’t matter.
    Wishing you pain free K

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      • I have found LImbrel to really help with my pain.
        It’s a food grade pharmaceutical anti-inflammatory
        A lot of insurances won’t allow it. Including mine, but I went on the Limbrel site and got a discount card you can use at certain pharmacies.
        This has helped my hip and joint pain greatly! With no side effects.
        At one point I thought…this isn’t helping so much, then I stopped taking it…and the pain in my hip got much worse, and I started having that feeling like I had the flu all the time again.

        I don’t know if it would help you…but maybe.

        When I was being treated for Fibro. (they are wishy washy now as to if I have it, so many of the symptoms lessened or went away when I found out my food intolerances., we just don’t know…some days I feel like I’m having a full blown flare, but did I just eat the wrong thing?) It’s confusing…but I know the limbrel helped.
        The neurontin, Lyrica…all that…just made me gain a huge amount of weight.
        Hydrocodone can sometimes take the edge off enough to sleep, but I have to take enough. Most pain meds make me very sick!
        and all anti-inflamatories, except for Limbrel, tear up my stomach. (yes, they caused an ulcer, not I can’t even.take an advil without stomach pain.
        Oh and Celebrex…so allergic to it! Bad…bad.

        The O-24 spray helps a bit, but it Stinks! I still use it sometimes, but Staurt hates it.

        If going natural…I tried Arnica…I didn’t see a difference.

        I found the Thermacare patches really helped on my most painful spots…if heat helps you, they might help.

        I did get some relief from a chiropractor who is certified to do Upper Cervical Chiropractic…there aren’t many of them, I was lucky enough to have one near by. It really helped with the brain fog! I’d try to read, and kept reading the same page over and over forgetting what I just read. It took me months to read a book….Now, I’ve read over 100 this year. I only went a few times, he wasn’t one of those chiros, who say you need to come every week or month for life. He got me straight, rechecked a few times, and if I felt off, I’d go back.

        Many say accupucture helps them…it stresses me out too much…I freak.

        The best thing I’ve found for my pain…of all kinds…is a good massage therapist….hot water…and I had myofascial release work done…it helped…but damn it hurt while being treated.

        I get a massage every 2-4 weeks 90mins at a time, from a medical massage therapist. I found someone who after I saw her for a while in her office, I mentioned I just couldn’t come because of the vertigo, and I couldn’t say I wouldn’t cancel an apt at the last minute.

        She said she’d come to me, and since it wasn’t through her office, she didn’t have to pay a portion to the owner, so she reduced the price….which was already reasonable. She has been wonderful for me…and I think it causes fewer drugs, fewer doctor apts, and much less pain.

        OH…I really only got on here to tell you about Limbrel.

        I hope you find something that helps.
        gentle hugs…or better yet…blowing kisses!
        love
        wendy

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      • hugs are welcome ANYTIME!!!!!! THANKS for the info, I don’t know if anything works anymore. since the weather has changed to COLD, i’m more achey and sleeping much more. I need to move to a warmer climate but that isn’t happening anytime soon. I’m on Savella but I don’t think it helps much. How many more months till Spring?!!!???? your friend, Laurie

        Warm wishes, Laurie https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com

        >________________________________

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  3. Bravo…never let them define you!!

    You mentioned not having curtains..(not sure if because they need to be replaced, or if they are packed away somewhere you can’t find them…..and you mentioned a modern green sofa.
    I have curtains from Ikea that we couldn’t use…they are a modern pale green. I believe there are 4. They are kind of a Kiwi color. I also have 2 cotton twill curtains from Ikea too. I believe they are tab top curtains.
    If you are interested I’ll take photos for you.

    If you know anything about Ikea stuff, they aren’t hemmed, so you can make them the length you want.
    i used the iron on stitchery for the curtains I “hemmed”…that was too much work, the iron on stuff worked well.

    I wish I could come help.
    Can’t believe you had to pay so much for the cleaners and you still have stuff everywhere. ugh!

    No wonder you are in a major flare!
    I know it’s easier said than done…but take a deep breath…and remember, it will get done…it doesn’t all have to be done today…one step at a time.

    After the hurricane we went through (well mostly my parents) we had a mess. everything was everywhere…and much was useless.
    I had to have some organization to help get it back in order.
    I took a few laundry baskets, or storage bins…empty, and labled them for different rooms. I would start in the room we needed to use the most…down to the least. (kitchen to guest room)
    Each bin had a room name, or give away, store, or trash on it.
    I would go through the room and put the each object I found in one of the bins….then we would divide them up and take them to where they belonged…..we did this for every room.
    Sometimes I had to write a list and tape it to the bin to say what was in it, if we couldn’t go through it right then.

    I don’t know if it will work at all for what you are going through.
    I had to know we were working together to get some sort of organization. This worked for me.

    i swear if I was’t so bad off, I’d come help!

    Tell your daughter the handicap bars… will add value to the house!
    It will increase the resell value. : )
    Everything I want to do to our house…to make things easier on me…I tell Stuart, but it will increase the resale value! hahaha
    I’m sure it won’t work as well on a teenager. but it’s kind of funny here.
    I want to widen doors, and change the tub, but in rails…ect.

    perhaps one day…or maybe it’d be easier to move.

    thinking of you!
    sorry I have’t been able to keep caught up.

    Remember, some of the fumes and dust and such can really irritate the fibro. so be careful while cleaning.

    And dogs feet are much, much tougher than we think….it amazes me the things I’ve seen Sandy walk through. But I’ll carry her when the pavement is hot! I can’t believe owners who don’t do that!

    ok…pain pills are working, hope half of this made sense.

    gentle hugs…if you can stand them…if not…a nice gentle foot soak! With a cup of tea.
    and gentle sleeping.
    wendy

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  4. You’ve had so much to deal with……..I’m not surprised. These lovely little illnesses do not define us but sometimes it’s hard to find the “us” in the midst of pain.

    You are thought about often and always in my prayers.

    Rosemary

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  5. Oh no! Your body wants to sleep…let it sleep. We all have days, or weeks or months like that. Give your body what it wants for a day or two, you might feel better and be stronger.

    I pray you will feel better tomorrow.

    xoxomo

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  6. Your illnesses do not define you Big Sis. Your extroidanary spirit defines you, your empathy and compassion for others defines you. You are a strong and lovely woman who would give her last dime to a complete stranger.

    Your daughter is yet to understand just how illness is making normal everyday life different and difficult for you. Teenagers see the world in a very different way, if it doesn’t affect them, then it’s isn’t worth their time…soon she will understand.

    I’m so sorry you have to experience a big flare now, of all times. But I’m suprised it waited this long. to hit you with all you’ve been going thru.

    I know you have much to do to get your home back in order…but just remember to take care of yourself first…

    I’m always thinkin of ya Laurie Lou…one of these days all us “chronics” are gonna find a way to get together in person and we are gonna have a blast! 😉

    xoxo
    T

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  7. Sorry that you’re having such a hard time right now. After all the tension of the construction site, etc., perhaps your body has forgotten how to relax — been so tight just trying to get by that it doesn’t know relaxation — other than sleep (which can still generate tension). If you need to sleep early and often — if it helps to ease the pain or let you “off the hook” for awhile to just be without having to “think” about it — then sleep as often and as long as your body/mind needs to break the fight or flee response that is hardwired into us from back when “we” needed to be able to fight or flee.

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