Happy Birthday, Son

Candles spell out the traditional English birt...

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It’s two days before my son’s 19th birthday and for the first year ever, he’s not with me, his mom and his family. It’s his first year of college and he is having an incredible time; I couldn’t be happier. But, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him today and that the thought of him made me cry with selfish sadness. I feel sentimental about my boy, now a fine young man, and I have to get used to the fact that he will be spending his birthdays partying with his friends for many years to come. I know his family is still important but we are in the background now and one day in the future he will celebrate his birthday with his own family.

He is perfectly fine spending his birthday away from his family, it’s just me feeling a little blue. Can you blame me? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I shopped for Thomas the Tank Engine? Or even the horrible fighting games for X Box 360 that we reluctantly bought him when he was older?

I know he still remembers his favorite surprise “Batman” party when he was four when his cousin and his aunt flew up for the party; that was an event he will always remember. Our daughter, his little sister, was terrified of “Batman” and clung to our mother’s helper, Erin, for dear life. He went from “Batman” to beer in a hurry, it seems. I guess I haven’t completely caught up.

Of course I sent him a birthday box last week with sweet treats and a card with a check but I just feel something is missing. That something is him. Right about now I would have been wrapping packages and scurrying to find the special cards that I bought and saved. We would put his presents on the “birthday table” and wait for him to wake up and find them. The whole family would always crowd around the birthday girl or boy, mom and dad. It was always a lot like Christmas every year. Birthdays are really big in our house. Huge.

So on Thursday, I will be wishing my first-born a happy birthday over the phone; I’m scared to “skype” with him because I think I will cry. No matter what, even if I say one word, he will know my infamous “shaky voice” and I don’t want to share that with him on his birthday, his special day. That’s just the type of kid he is, he picks up other people’s feelings in a second, picks up on the same emotional radar that I have. I love you for being a great kid and a wonderful young man. I’m happy and proud to call you my son.

Happy Birthday

Love Always, Mom

5 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Son

  1. My mom always made birthdays pretty special too. And still, my husband and I try to make it a special day….sometimes it doesn’t work. But we try.

    I miss her more on her birthday than the day she died, and mother’s day…just don’t get me started.
    But her birthday was New Year’s Day…so I can never forget…and it’s still hard.

    But for your boy, sounds like you are both going to be missing the ritual of the birthday at home!

    So I guess, today is the big day!
    I hope you could keep your shaky voice in check. And he could too. : )
    Happy Day to you too.


    • His voice was fine, mine, not so much. But, that’s how it should be. I can relate to you, my dad died New Year’s Eve, my parents wedding anniversary was Jan. 1. Straight from my birthday in early October to mid January it’s pretty rough. Thanks, Wendy.


  2. Laurie, My college-boy’s birthday is Jan 3, so it worked out that he was always home on his b-day because of winter break. My fireman boy’s birthday is Dec 3, but lately has worked every year because he gets holiday pay, but he is always home the next day or so. I bet Tim will wake up and think about that birthday table at least once, and deep down inside wish he was home with you. I bet you have the best birthday cakes!


  3. I’m glad I was warned this was a kleenex-kinda post. I smiled and teared up. Tim is lucky to have you as his mom. Next year, maybe you should send him a thomas the tank engine something (lunch bag or pencil box?) for “old times sake” on his 20th!


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