Employment Application, 2013

So freaking delicious, from my favorite restaurant Le Madeline 🙂 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Hiring Manager:

Wanted: Full or Part-time Job involving food, writing or any combination of the two. Traveling with car service a must: ( I have NO sense of direction and that is an understatement)  It is NO joke. It is NOT covered by the ADA but  why isn’t it?  Mode of transportation:  Airlines: Private jet or first class preferable, business class necessary, economy, okay..if I must. Stand by: Been there, done that.

Interests: Food, Special Interest: Dessert, Food TV shows, Favorite all time dessert: Sacher Torte: Original or Fake, German or Austrian or American from Kew Gardens, Queens at the Homestead Gourmet with raspberry jam.I had it every year growing up for my birthday and I miss it. RIP Teddy.

Special Skills: Having traveled (for free) in my childhood I am extremely knowledgeable to rate hotels in addition to their restaurants and room service if you would like me to do that. I do not shy away from extra assignments, in fact, I just offered a very, informative link to the hotel industry. Can someone call ‘The Hilton’s’, please?

Proof of Expertise: Reading my blog, references, and restaurant owners in the area. I wrote a review of “The Flying Pig” for the local newspaper, it is not my fault they closed the restaurant, we still miss it, I assure you. Receipts upon request.

Good Points: Very amicable, charming, an excellent communicator, doesn’t like alcohol. Does not consider sorbet a dessert, perhaps as a palette cleanser and no weird flavors like octopus or lizard. Prefers cakes over pies, ice cream in addition to the cake never in lieu of the cake. Fresh fruit on request, ha ha ha ha ha. For a special occasion our family went out to a fancy restaurant and our daughter, the vegetarian, ordered blueberries and strawberries for $12 or $15 dollars and we said “no.” She was beyond furious even after I offered to make her some at home. Cookies: any time, all the time, but if you don’t want to make them, that’s fine, go to a bakery instead, Just sayin’…

Bad Points: I confess, favorite comfort food is still Kraft American cheese slices on soft bread (not Wonder bread. Anymore.) with light spreadable “butter and a chocolate related drink, this could include hot chocolate, Yoo-Hoo or chocolate egg creams. Diet Pepsi/Coke/Root Beer acceptable too. There are certain food items and beverages that go together well. Something salty would go with this dish, chips, pretzels, nothing special.

Additional Experience: Watching TV shows with my husband on our couch while eating our dessert not to be confused with Pre-D which immediately follows our meal but is a predecessor of the real “D” (which as you may have figured out is: Dessert. Ice Cream, pastry from French bakeries, even an occasional cupcake will do if we have nothing else. (Okay, maybe a Twinkie) and Baklava, yum, (another post on Baklava is also a blog post.)

Market Reach and Development: I need to be the first person or close enough to TRY NEW PRODUCTS, that is a natural field for me, I spy them on the shelves, I immediately buy them. Case in point: “*Candy Cotton Grapes.” I did not stop until I found them, it took 3 stores but I HAD TO HAVE THEM. I excel at wanting, finding and buying new products, my mother said I’ve been like that since I was 5, haven’t stopped. (see the entry “Cotton Candy Grapes” on my blog.

Cooking Skills: I make a mean chicken soup, I can roast a chicken with lemon and love, my baking skills are superb but limited to Banana Bread with the following options (plain, chocolate chip or chocolate chip and raisin) The latter being my son’s absolute favorite and the one thing he actually brags about (and hoards) from his friends.  I can also bake Pumpkin bread with or without raisins (without for my daughter who doesn’t like the texture of raisins and many other things) Oh, I knew I would forget something an award-winning Pea Soup. (Okay not a real award but it deserves one.) I learned how to make Chopped Chicken Liver when I was ten by a neighbor…

Excellent Writing Skills: To summarize the meals, service, attention to detail and I interact beautifully with all levels of  employees. Note:  I believe that you need to be kind to everyone and yes, it’s hard but at least try. Karma is karma, I’m not perfect, neither are you.

Overall summary: Delightful person with excellent communication skills and a love of food (junky or refined), enthusiastic, funny, silly, and a charming dinner companion. This applicant plays no games, she can’t wear high heels because they hurt her feet, although she would try fancier flats if necessary, she is willing to adapt. She has dancing green eyes and brown curly hair and only wears lipstick which her mother has bugged her about for the last two months. She is thinking about being dragged to one of those fancy stores like Nordstrom (which I used to call Nordstrom’s before my daughter corrected me for the 19th time ( with the ever so charming and obvious eye roll to the sky) for a make-over. Plus, I need new clothing too.

This candidate, I can assure you, will never, ever be late. She will always, unless there is a natural disaster, be early because she had/has  European parents and there WAS no other option. She is honest, she can keep secrets and is always reliable.

Take a chance. At the very least, bring her in for an interview.

Pretty please with rainbow sprinkles on top?

Yours truly,

Me.

PS: If you call my friend Maureen she will tell you that at times I do eat pizza with either grape or strawberry jam on top. I do not deny this one bit. In fact, I am proud of it.

Cotton Candy Grapes. (Food Pop)

cotton candy grape (Photo credit: bubbletea1)

Yesterday after I read about “cotton candy grapes” all I wanted to do was live in California where they HAD them. Why don’t I live in California? That is a question I have asked myself my entire life. So, if someone would please give my husband a hefty paying Software Engineering Managerial Job or something like that then we can move and I CAN be one of the first people to eat these grapes. You have no idea what this would mean to me. You know I am the ultimate CONSUMER and that I adore sweet things, so please can someone at least send me some? Pretty please with sugar on top? Oh right, you don’t even need sugar with these sweeties from what I’ve been told.

I need to google. I need to google NOW. Are they in New York yet. Hang on, I’ll let you know. Wait, I’m selfish when it comes to food, I’ll let you know after I find them and buy them. I’m sorry, sometimes it has to be like that. Food First. I am the new product consumer of the world. Someone should hire ME for that job. I’m obsessed with food. (Can you tell?)

I googled these Cotton Candy Grapes and found that they were available in a few select stores in my area. I posted a question on a mom’s group if anyone had any connections. I could not believe that everyone knew about these babies, I was the last to know. There were sightings. This morning, not feeling my best, I took my dog for a ride, having no sense of direction ( I would only do this for food ) jumped into the car and headed to unknown territory. I asked a very nice person (stranger) for directions to the new supermarket in the other town and wouldn’t you know it, I was only a block away!

With the window open for Lexi, my dog, I ran, literally ran, to the entrance, got a cart for balance and breathlessness and entered directly into the produce aisle. Oh, My God. Right in front of my face were green grapes that said “Cotton Candy” on them. This, people, made me so happy. I immediately stole, I mean tasted one and I was in my glory. Two bunches later (they are very expensive) I was back in my car heading home.

I know that some people (my sister) will hate them and others will love them. I put mine in the freezer for sweet treat. I posted them on my Facebook page. I got a lot of “Huh?”  “What” and “I don’t understand.” comments. They could not grasp the concept of a grape that tasted like cotton candy. Pity. I also got a comment from one old friend who said “I was a pisser.” Thank you, Lisa K. You make me proud. (We have known each other since grade school.)

In the meantime, keep your eyes open, for those green grapes with the pink lettering: Cotton Candy Grapes. You have to try them, even if it’s only once. And, if anyone knows of any new products coming out or if they have tried any new product please email me, you can reach me here at hibernationnow.wordpress.com in the comment section and I will definitely reply.

 

Playing “Punch Buggy” Alone Really Isn’t That Much Fun

Volkswagen Beetle (Photo credit: stephenhanafin)

On the way to Target by pure instinct alone, I call out “Punch Buggy” when I see a Volkswagon Beetle. I KNOW it’s stupid, I KNOW no one else is in the car but still, I do it. While I get a teeny tiny bit of pleasure, it isn’t as much fun as when my husband is there and we both call it and then childishly say “but we are not playing.” You have to like us if not love us, it’s the little things that matter; we’ve been married almost 24 years, so we must be doing something right. You have to reinvent yourselves with silly, childish games and you know what, it seems to work.

While at Target, I still go to the first two discount aisles where they have little kids things on sale for a dollar each. My children are eighteen years old and twenty. Come on, don’t I know that by now? I am certainly not buying beer magnets or obnoxious T-shits (okay, I did that once) but generally I have good judgment. However, according to my kids I am ridiculously old-fashioned and the fact that I dislike every type of alcohol known to humanity (except for the occasional mimosa when my in-laws are in town) is beyond uncool, it’s just plain wrong. Why am I still looking at the dollar aisle, do I think they need little presents for their “goodie bags?” My children are allowed to vote. Move on, mom.

I still go to the teen boy aisle where they have the obnoxious boy T-shirts that my son used to live for, when he was about ten. Why do I still go there? HE wouldn’t be could dead wearing something stupid now. He has even passed the entire T-shirt phase altogether. He wears button downed shirts, with his sleeves rolled up, maybe a plain, white T-shirt underneath. He likes to look nicer now. Where happened to my son? Who did he learn his new style from or for whom did he learn his new style?

My daughter has had her own sense of style since she was just about born. As soon as she was old enough to dress herself, she did. What I put out for her was replaced by whatever color/ stripe combination or completely purple outfit that she wanted. I never fought with her, except for one school picture and after that traumatic experience and glum expression I let her choose what she wanted to wear any and every day. I lovingly remember her wearing her sky blue, long, Cinderella dress to her nursery school graduation, with my parents and husband in attendance. She felt like a princess (always) and dressed accordingly. To this day, she gives me advice and when she asks me my opinion on something I feel honored. A friend of the family went over to our daughter, when she was 3 or 3 1/2 and said “You look so pretty in that dress” and our daughter’s response was “I know dat.” Meet our girl.

There were times when both kids were living at home and my husband was here all the time that I would long for a day of alone time, peace and harmony. Today was that day. My husband was visiting his parents and both kids are now in college. I could do whatever I wanted to do and you know what? For the first time, I missed my husband. I hate to admit it but I didn’t like eating my crummy slice of tasteless pizza by myself. It was a chore and it wasn’t relaxing. The entire day seemed lonely when before I craved the quiet like a crystal meth addict craves her drug. Times change, people change, be open to it, new things will always happen and surprise you. In time, you will always adjust. You have no other choice.

What The Heck is Blu-Ray Anyway?

There are certain concepts in life that I do not get nor will I ever. Daylight Savings Time is one of them, how can you really lose or gain an hour? We all know there are 24 hours in a day. It just doesn’t make sense. Yes, I know all about the farmers and the school buses but it’s the elimination or addition of the hour that I do not comprehend, and shouldn’t there be a two-day adjustment period? There is for me, I require it.

There are thousands of new products that come out every year (and I happen to be the person that loves to look at them and try them) but I don’t like to be forced into it!! Sometimes there are products that come and go which is understandable. Why do the new products each year have to replace the old products that we already have? It’s practically black mail. Sure, we went through vinyl, and 8 tracks, we went through cassettes and then, CD’s DVD’s and now Blue-Ray. I honestly don’t know what Blu-Ray is. Why can’t there be a universal adaptor so we wouldn’t have to shell out big bucks every time we wanted to see little Sally’s first steps or our wedding video, play a Beatle’s album, or wait, hear it (and see it) on a new phone/Android/Blackberry. I’m all for the simple stuff; I may sound like Andy Rooney but to me, things are getting too complicated and it just isn’t fair.

Sometimes, products just…disappear. What about slips? I thought slips were a staple like bras and underwear, apparently they are not. About three years ago I went to a department store and asked a woman where the slips were. “Slips” she asked “What’s a slip?”  I believe we have a generation that has no idea what a slip is/was or what it is/was used for.  I was embarrassed enough but when she asked another salesperson, in a loud voice, “what a slip was” they both looked at me as if I had dropped down from an orange alien ship that was decorated with purple pom-poms. “Sorry, Lady”we never heard of slips and we don’t have any. They looked at each other and rolled their eyes at the same exact moment.

Did they think I was a crazy person? Sure, they were young enough to be my daughters but hadn’t their mothers ever worn a slip? Sigh, probably not. I felt like I should have been wheeled out of the store breathing oxygen, that is, if they still use wheel chairs and oxygen. Here’s hoping……